Page 85 of She's a Big Deal

“Me?”

“Her,” Grace corrected with a wince. She rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache, which would not be surprising. “I mean, Miriam. It was her in the dream, as always. But toward the end, she had your face. You were bleeding in the snow. And you looked at me so sad—”

Ah. God!As Grace’s breath hitched, Olivia grabbed hold of her again tightly. “I’m so sorry, Grace.”

Grace leaned into the embrace for only a couple of seconds before pulling back with a defiant statement.

“I’m okay. I’m fine.”

“Well…” Olivia strongly suspected that she was not. Not completely, this was blatantly obvious. And for this stuff to rise to the surface in such a violent way after a single trigger, it had to still be extremely close under the skin to begin with. “Take your time, okay?”

Grace nodded, though it was more like a gutsy jerk of the chin. Hurt and sadness gave way to a cool, flat expression in her eyes. Regaining control by sheer strength of will. It was like watching iron shutters rolling down on her emotions.

“Sorry I scared you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Would you like a glass of water?”

“No. Thanks. I need coffee.”

“It’s 03:20. Middle of the night.”

“I have my laptop in my bag. I can do some work.”

Her face was as white as the snow outside. And if you knew how to look, which Olivia was beginning to learn very well, you would see that her eyes still held a heavy touch of haunting from the dream. But she was already getting up, and Olivia assumed it would do no good to argue.

“Anybody ever told you you’re as stubborn as a mule?” she just said.

“Sure. No, stay,” Grace added in a softer tone, as she was going to follow her out of bed. “Go back to sleep, Liv.”

“Don’t tell me what to do. I’ll make you some coffee at least and sit with you if you insist on getting up now.”

Grace opened her mouth, closed it again, and gave a quick shake of the head.

“Alright. Mind if I take a shower?”

“Of course not.”

Olivia watched her walk into the bathroom and close the door quietly behind her. Something wrong, she thought, and not just the dream. Feeling sad and dejected, but determined not to let it show, she gave Everett a quick cuddle, then headed to the kitchen to put coffee on the go. Whether Grace wanted her to or not, she was going to take care of her in the best way that she could. Some of this also meant making pancakes, so Olivia gotto work.

chapter 28

Grace stood in the shower with both hands flat against the tile wall and her head bent under the jet of water. She made it cold, intent on shocking herself out of the dream. She also needed to get rid of this urge she felt to drag Olivia back into bed, snuggle deep into her arms, and cry her heart out. Olivia would not think any less of her if she gave in to that weakness. Grace knew it, just as sure as she knew she was going to break her heart. Oh yeah, she had warned her in the beginning.No promises.But then she’d gone full steam ahead and invited her to Florida, and Christmas lunch at the family home. The nightmare was telling, and not just brought on by Jeremy’s thoughtless, hurtful remarks. Grace knew that too. She threw on clothes quickly, then took a second to steel herself before she went out. To lock down her emotions, be sure no more tears would escape her will.

“Hey.” Olivia greeted her with a cup of coffee and a valiant smile, but it was written all over her face. She knew something was up.

Grace accepted the coffee, put it straight down, and pulled her into her arms. “Olivia—”

“Wait,” her lover said softly. Pulling back just a little to look her in the eye, she flashed a surprisingly brilliant smile. “And bepatient with me now because I am going to quote the Buddha. Okay?”

Grace was taken aback enough at this declaration to simply nod. “Okay…”

“Here goes the saying:‘Never reply when you are angry. Never make a promise when you are happy. Never make a decision when you are sad.’”

“Your Buddha is a bossy one.”

“And wise,” Olivia countered.

“For sure. But I’m not angry. And I didn’t make a promise.” Grace kept her own tone gentle, and careful, but she did owe it to her to be honest.

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