Page 42 of Nanny for the SEAL

“I have a vague notion. I’m only glad that I can help. But it shouldn’t take another man stepping in for one to listen.”

My eyes burn at that, the tears gathering at the corners. “No, it really shouldn’t.”

“Hey,” Xaden reaches out, taking my hand, “you’re safe now. I promise.”

I entwine my fingers through his, wanting so badly to lose myself in the feeling of security he offers. He feels like comfort and familiarity and the peace that I’ve been striving for my entire life.

In the silence of the car, he holds my hand, his other arm wrapping around my shoulder as he pulls me against his chest.

I know that I should probably refuse it to keep our relationship more professional than what it’s becoming, but I don’t want to.

I want this. I want Xaden’s touch, his soothing after a gut punch of a situation.

A few moments go by, and we haven’t separated. I can feel the air charged with the things we haven’t said to each other.

There’s something about going through a traumatic event that makes you want to spill your guts and yell out all the things you’ve been leaving unsaid.

Maybe it’s the way it reminds me of how little time we really do have. Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling vulnerable and scared so much more recently because of my father’s release.

But whatever it is, I feel like I can’t hold this desire back any longer. I want to give in to it. I don’t want to be strong and capable.

I want to be frightened and accept the physical comfort of a man who I’ve been dreaming about for days.

“Xaden,” my voice barely breaks the air, “can you just…”

He leans back, staring down into my eyes, and shit, why are they so blue? It makes it impossible to think.

Still, my expression—and perhaps the fact that I have yet to move away from him—seems to give away at least part of what I’m thinking.

“Ivy, I…” He sighs, hanging his head. “Dammit. This is sonotwhat I’m supposed to be feeling right now. Or ever for that matter.”

The butterflies in my stomach swoop, tangling together with the left-over shock and ever-present paranoia that’s been dogging me.

“Feel what exactly?”

I’m struck by the fact that I had the balls to ask, but as I wait for Xaden to find the words, I feel like I’m perched at the edge of a cliff.

“Ivy, this…this isn’t easy for me, and I really don’t think this is the time to talk about it.”

He’s right, of course, but I need to hear the words. I need it as much as I need to breathe.

“Please, Xaden. I want to hear the truth. I…please, it’s never the right time. If we wait for that, we’ll be waiting forever.”

He sighs, his sad smile making the deep blues of his eyes stand out. He’s so beautiful, and I lean closer to him, letting his arms take my weight.

“Ever since I saw you that day when you moved in and thought I was some asshole, I’ve been thinking about you. Keeping you out of my head has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I can’t say I’ve been very successful.”

The laugh that leaks from me is quiet and profound.

“I’m very aware of what the rules say, Ivy. I know what I’m supposed to do here, what I’m supposed to do whenever you’re around. But it is so damn difficult. And you have to know I didn’t plan for this when I hired you. It’s always been about finding the perfect person to look after Daisy. It’s just…”

Silence sweeps back in, dark as the night around us, and my nerves hum with tension. Xaden’s muscles are taught where I grip his forearms, my little fingers digging into his flesh just enough.

We’re so close.

“Just what?”

I lean into Xaden, enough that I can feel his breath ghost over my face.

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