Page 67 of Nanny for the SEAL

“When you have to move that fast, you don’t take as much time to assess the threat. You just end anything that could keep you from your mission or affect your safety. I had to…there was a lot firing that day.”

“I’m so sorry, Xaden. I know it doesn’t really help, and I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, but you were doing what you had to. You’re not a bad man.”

I scoff, wincing immediately afterward and pulling Ivy’s hands closer to my chest.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to dismiss you. I appreciate what you’re saying. I do. It’s just…I may be a good man, but I did terrible things trying to serve that goal. I regret them.”

Ivy’s eyes go glassy, and it’s weirdly touching to know that she cares as much as she does. I haven’t felt supported like this—by someone who isn’t a trained professional—in so long.

“I understand what you mean. I can’t say I know what you’re going through exactly, but I do know what it’s like to be forced into a situation you hate. I’m really sorry that happened to you.”

I’m a big enough person to admit that her words choke me up, and it takes several moments before I can speak again.

“Thank you. It was…I lost my friends, Ivy. I saw them killed in front of me. But I never would have met them if I hadn’t joined. There were these moments—these brief windows of happiness that shined so damn bright—that sit tangled up in my mind with the horrors I saw.

When Maeve got pregnant, she asked me to leave the SEALs. I didn’t hesitate. I was so ready to get out, but I never told her that. She thought she was asking something huge of me. I never told anyone but the shrink that I had been thinking about retiring for months.”

Ivy lifts up onto her knees, putting her forehead on mine as she takes my face again.

“You shouldn’t have to pretend like that, and I hope you know that you don’t have to do that around me.” She kisses me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Thank you. For telling me.”

I’m frozen for just a moment, and then my arms are around Ivy, and I’m holding onto her with everything I have.

“Thanks for listening.” I bury my nose in the crook of her neck, breathing in Ivy’s sweet scent. “You’re amazing.”

She laughs a little, but when she moves to sit back down, I keep her close, kissing her throat and shoulder. Ivy feels real and solid in my arms, and I can’t explain it, but I need that right now.

I need it so damn much.

When she cranes to get face to face with me, Ivy’s brows are knitted together. I kiss the crease there, smoothing it away with my lips.

Her breath drifts over my skin as she sighs, and I travel my caresses down to her mouth, claiming her in a kiss that’s pointed and purposeful.

Adjusting her so that she straddles my lap, I let myself feel her weight over me, the softness of her flesh on mine. A gentle hum escapes her as I move my lips down to her throat again.

“Xaden…I…”

“Please, Ivy,” I whisper, punctuating my words with still more kisses across her neck, “I need this.”

Meeting her eyes for a moment, I see the conflict there, but then it shifts, and Ivy smiles softly. She nods at me, both her hands on my face, and then she kisses me—deep and slow and powerful.

Everything with Ivy is incredible, but there’s something about this particular experience that hits me differently. We move in a natural slow wave, comfortably rocking in an ocean of sensation and stillness.

Our lips tangle into infinite kisses, only separating when I move to lift her shirt over her head and when she helps me do the same.

Nothing is hurried, and the movements get both of us stripped of clothing, protection in place, and pressed back to each other—where we belong.

Ivy straddles me once more, lowering herself onto me. I slip inside, greeted by a perfect warmth that I will never tire of. She moans gently, and we wrap around each other so there’s not an inch between us.

Our lips dance as our hips do, creating a measured rhythm of nearly unbearable circles and lifts. It’s all so intense with my awareness of each movement.

Ivy’s body yields to mine so beautifully, but it demands just as much as it takes—a back-and-forth of giving and receiving.

Her breasts shift against my chest as she rises and falls, welcoming my length with each descent. I can’t get enough of her—the feelings, the steady calm she offers, the perfect way I fit inside her.

This is not the frenzy of before, but it’s not any less incredible. It’s also impossible for me to deny that Ivy has penetrated the wall I kept around my heart, finding a home there.

I’m…falling for her—sodamnhard.

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