Page 78 of Nanny for the SEAL

I nod, agreeing to give it a try. After I walk Sam to the door, I head back to my bedroom and lie down on the bed.

It lasts about two minutes before I’m up and pacing my room, my thoughts spiraling like a tornado.

Pregnant. Seriously? I’ve been careful. What are the fucking odds?

My heart races, and I have to breathe through another wave of nausea that drifts over me.

“Come on, Ivy. You’re okay.”

But am I?

This situation is so much. I agreed to try things with Xaden because I adore him, adore being with him, and I was just on the precipice of telling him about my father.

Now this?

I don’t want to be melodramatic. I don’t. I’m a rational person who is used to dealing with some terrible stuff, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being punished or something.

I know that Xaden and I didn’t meet in the most orthodox way and that, yes, technically, he is my boss, but we haven’t really been treating it that way since I started spending time with him.

Looking after Daisy is something I do because I love that little girl, and I’m basically living with Xaden now.

God, what is my life? Do…do I want a child?

That’s actually an easy question to answer. I’ve always wanted children. I just didn’t know if I’d ever get that chance because I’m not one to date.

For very good reasons, I might add. You know, those reasons I was going to tell Xaden about.

Everyone I know kind of imagines these things differently, though. It’s the whole married and then trying for a baby thing.

This is not that. This is spontaneous and damn impressive if I really am pregnant. I mean, I know that, theoretically, it does happen.

People get pregnant even when being careful. That’s why the pill is rated at ninety-nine percent accurate.

Nice to know that I continue to have the luck of the one-in-a-million variety. I mean, the odds of having drug-addicted parents—who only finally went to jail when they crossed that final line—aren’t exactly up there, now are they?

I sigh. I’m going to wear a hole through the floor at this rate. But it’s impossible for me to keep still. I wind up walking from my bedroom to the bathroom to the living room and back.

How am I supposed to tell Xaden about all this? Does he even want another kid? His grief is so palpable. I can see that he blames himself for Maeve’s death, and I still don’t know why.

Releasing a shaky breath, I hear a knock at the door and hurry there to let Sam in. She smiles with that sisterly sympathy again, and we rush back to my bedroom so that I can take the test.

It’s an easy enough process. I mean, you pee on a stick. It’s not that complicated. When it’s done, I replace the cap, and I’m supposed to lay it flat.

Nerves get the best of me, so I don’t even walk it to the counter. I just lie it on the floor while the screen starts up with a little animation of a clock filling up.

Leaving the master bathroom, I go sit by Sam on my bed and ask her to set a timer. She wraps her arms around me as we wait for the prescribed two minutes.

“It’s going to be fine, okay? You have choices, Ivy. Whatever you want to do, I’ll be right here with you.”

I just nod. I can’t find any words at the moment.

It’s quiet, and then the timer Sam set on her phone goes off.

It’s time.

“Do you want me to go get it?” Sam asks.

Staring at where the test sits on the floor, I shake my head. “No, I…I’ll go.”

---