Page 100 of Do You Ship It

‘Ah, my heteronormative friend, so much still to learn.’ He nudges me with his shoulder, though, smiling, and tells me, ‘I only just found out about it the other week, don’t worry. Anyway,point is, he’s definitely not into me. I’ve been spending months trying to untanglewhether I’m gay or bi or what,andget over a crush so it doesn’t ruin my friendship –’

‘Mood.’

‘So you’re not getting in the way. I mean, it’s weird, yeah, and I don’t have to feelgoodabout it, but … you’re my friends. I care about both of you.Idon’t want to get in the way, either.’

I groan, leaning to rest my head on his shoulder. ‘Is this growing up, Jake? Being all messy and mature? I don’t like it, take it back.’

He laughs, shifting to sling an arm around my shoulders and tuck me into his side in a way that saystell me about it.

And I take a deep breath and tell him, ‘Love ya, Jake.’

‘Love ya, too, Cer,’ he says softly, sincerely, and it’s not at all like how I pictured it being.

It’s better.

Eventually, though, we’re interrupted by Anissa, popping out to eye us both awkwardly. ‘Er, are you guys …?’

She leaves it dangling:okay, coming back in, all sorted now?

She looks at Jake, first, and seems to read something in his expression. ‘Did you tell her?’

‘Yeah!’

Anissa breathes out, smiling, and he lets go of me to let her give him a quick, fierce hug. I hear her whisper, ‘I’m so proud of you,’ and it’s a very real reminder of how close they’ve gotten since November.

It doesn’t feel so much like someone stealing my best friend, though, more … like an expansion. Widening, to include all of us.

And then she turns to me, and she’s cringing, nose scrunched up and thick eyebrows twisted at odd angles, mouth in a grimace. ‘So … you werenottalking about Max earlier.’

‘I …’ I was? I just … didn’t know it? Or I wasn’t at all? I don’t have an answer, so I settle for an exasperated, ‘You should’ve told me!’

‘I thought you knew! I mean the two of you talkallthe bloody time, and I was new to Discord, butIknew who he was! Why wouldyounot know? I got used to thinking of him as ‘Runic’ whenever I mentioned him in conversation, and we were obviously talking about the same person … And you kissed him! You had this whole thing and then you snogged his face off and then said you just wanted to be friends! I don’t know!’

‘Apparently I didn’t know either,’ I say, and Anissa clicks her tongue, rolling her eyes at me.

‘If I’d said something, maybe this whole …’ She gestures at the two of us. Atme. ‘Maybe you wouldn’t have told the wrong guy you were falling for him.’

‘Oh, you’resquarelyat fault here, this is one hundred per cent on you,’ I joke, but then it hits me – what she said, what I did. Max.Max. I told him after the kiss I just wanted to be friends, and then I stood in front of him tellingJakeI had feelings for him – wasfallingfor him – and …

‘I have to talk to Max.’

Jake and Anissa raise their eyebrows at each other.

Anissa says, ‘He already left.’

‘But I have to –’

‘Cerys,’ she says, ‘come inside. Everyone’s here. Text him, tell him to come back.’

‘What if he doesn’t? What if he never wants to see me again? What if –?’

‘He’ll come,’ she tells me, and sounds so certain I can’t find it in me to argue. I have to remember that it’s not only Jake she’s built a friendship with in the last few months, it’s @runicrascal, too. Max. ‘Come on. We’re just about to start a game of Settlers of Catan. I’ll show you how it works.’

Private chat with @runicrascal

@mythicwitch

Max, please come back to the board-game cafe. We need to talk

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