Page 98 of Must Love Dogs… and Hockey

Easton’s right. I always think things will work out. I should have known better. But maybe I’ll never learn that lesson and that’s okay, because that’s who I am.

His remark about my lawsuit hurt. It reminded me of other people who derided me for doing that. As if all I cared about was money.

He could be right, though. My lawyer sounds confident, but anything can happen. The court date is less than two weeks away. If I went through all that pain and suffering going through discoveries with the corporation’s sharkish lawyers interrogating me and trying to trip me up and painting me as unreliable and self-centered, and the endless meetings with my own lawyers, who, even though they represent me, are also sharks, and I don’t like sharks—if I went through all that for nothing…

I close my eyes.

What if that happens? I need to be prepared for reality.

At least it will be done. I feel I’ve already moved on with my life, but I still have that hanging over me and I want it done. If I lose, so be it. I tried. I can still hold my head up and know that I did the right thing.

Unlike Easton.

Fuck.

I fall forward onto the mattress and curl up in a fetal position, still clutching the cushion.

I haven’t known him that long, but after learning things about him, hearing what happened to him, I feel I know him pretty well. And I knew he was afraid of something, I just didn’t know what.

He’s afraid of losing hockey. Because that’s all he has.

Thathurt too. Like a slap across the face. Because stupidly, I thought I meant something to him, like he does to me.

I pull in a long, slow breath and let it out.

—

The text message I get from Easton the next morning isn’t unexpected. It still pisses me off, though.

You don’t need to come walk Otis anymore. Thanks for helping with him.

My hands shake holding my phone. The adrenaline rush of fury makes me edgy, twitchy, my heart pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears. I should have known this was going to happen. I did bring it up when we got involved and he assured me it would make no difference. Well, he can just fuck off. And keep fucking off. He can keep fucking off to the other side of the world and then fuck off some more.

I want to text that back to him. I grit my teeth to keep myself from doing that. Then I close the chat window and toss my phone down.

Great. I lost my biggest customer.

But that’s not even what I’m sad about. I’ll miss Otis. I love the goofy guy. And I’ll miss Easton. Because I love him too. But I’ll get over it, because he’s not the man I thought he was.

Except…I think he is. I think he has feelings for me. I think he wants to do something to help the team.

I don’t know how to help him.

When Carlin gets home from work, I fill her in on the latest. We talked last night. I love her. Thank God I have her. Thursday night, Maya and Adriana come over with all the stuff for mulled wine and appies, and I pretend I’m fine. I will be fine.

Now it’s Friday night. Carlin’s out at William’s staff Christmas party, and I’m home alone. Not even Otis is here to keep me company. I turn on the TV. There’s a Bears game tonight. I shouldn’t watch it, because it reminds me of Easton, but I can’t stop myself.

Carlin and I put up a little tree in the corner the day we went Christmas shopping at the market. Today, I went back to the market to get her necklace and pick up Easton’s cuff links. I’d already paid for them. Maybe I’ll mail them to him.

Our tree sparkles with little white lights and an assortment of ornaments from Target. Snow falls softly outside the windows onto the front street. It all feels very seasonal. And I feel…miserable.

Easton’s not playing again tonight. Even though I’m hurt and angry at him, I still ache for how he must be feeling right now. An intense longing sweeps over me, wishing he would come home to me and I could comfort him.

The outside door buzzer sounds. I start and frown. Who could that be? I know it’s not Easton because they just showed him watching the game.

I answer. “Hello?”

“Lilly? It’s Dad.”

---