Page 71 of The Sweetest Risk

“I know you don’t like feeling out of control, B. Neither do I. But sometimes you have to take a risk and take a chance on things that you are unsure about to find out if they are worth it. That applies to people, too, little sis.”

My lips curl slightly at the ends. My tears are beginning to subside so I finally have the head space to process what is on the menu. “We better decide on what we want to eat, Brad. Our waitress is going to be so annoyed that we haven’t even glanced at the menu.”

Bradley’s hand reaches over the table and pulls down the menu.

“What?”

“You and Tristan are inevitable, Brooke. It’s been that way since day one. It was stupid of me to ever try to come between you two.”

It is like the air got knocked out of me. I didn’t expect my brother to say those words…ever. He never thought much of any of my boyfriends before Tristan, and Tristan has always been off-limits to me as much as I was to him.

Bradley’s words mean so much, and yet this is so painful because my relationship with Tristan is so complicated and he’s hurt me on more than one occasion. I question the whole inevitability of us at all.

When I don’t say anything, Bradley says, “Do me a favor and I promise I won’t ask for any more favors again for a while.”

I snort. “I doubt that.” I make eye contact with our waitress and indicate we are ready. Then I turn back to Bradley. “Okay, what is the favor?”

“Give him a second chance.”

31

Iam broken.

The past two months have been some of the worst months of my life.

Even hockey holds no happiness for me. We fought tooth and nail to get to this point, but I do not feel the satisfaction that I should be feeling. Guilt and anger and sadness fuel every single decision and action I make on the ice. All of that energy worked itself out on the rink and now here we are, in the last series in the playoffs against Colorado, one of the best teams in the NHL. The Stanley Cup is finally within reach again, but an unending cycle of memories, good and bad, fill my head with Brooke in every waking hour and even at night. I dream of her, wake up reaching for her in bed. During games, I often catch myself looking in the stands, foolishly wishing she was there, hoping tosee her standing outside the locker room with a ridiculous hot pink headband.

I should have told Brooke about the bet the moment she walked into my house on Casino Night. Hell, I should have told her about the bet the moment I made it with Hastings. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve wanted to punch his smug face since the night Brooke ran out of my house and never looked back. Yet, as much as I want to fully blame Hastings for the demise of my relationship with the girl of my dreams, I know it’s my fault. I agreed to the bet because deep down, Ididwant the captain’s spot and I really did not want Hastings to lead this team. More importantly, I wanted to protect Brooke from anything that may harm her because I love her.

Each time Sunday rolls around, I want to crash Sunday dinner and profess my apologies and love for Brooke, but I am too scared to face any of the Becketts right now. I royally fucked up and I can’t sweet-talk my way out of this one. My heart has never hurt like this. I’ve also never loved anyone like I love Brooke. Because I do still love her. Even though I’ve lost her.

I lost everything that truly ever mattered to me, save for hockey, in one night: my best friend, my second family and the girl I wanted to call mine forever. Bradley hasn’t spoken to me, except if needed on the ice, and I don’t even know how to salvage that. We’ve gotten in disagreements before, but it always got solved with a handshake and an, “It’s alright man. We good?”

We aren’t good. Not this time. This time, there was much more at stake. What Jen said in Telluride was true. I should’ve listened to her. I would be spending the night with Brooke in my arms instead of tossing and turning, wishing she was next to me.

I hear something that snaps me out of autopilot: “Lawson. Can I see you in my office?”

Coach caught me at a good time. I was about to put on all my gear and skates for warm ups. I go right past all myteammates, even Bradley, without so much as a handshake or even acknowledgment they are there. I know what this meeting is about. If someone would’ve asked me a few months ago what I wanted most, I would have without hesitation said this damn captain’s spot and my hands on the Stanley Cup again. But my priorities have changed. Not that I don’t still want those things – they just aren’t as important anymore.

“Have a seat. I’ll make this quick.”

I sit and cross my arms.

“I have a tough decision to make. There can only be one captain on this team. I can’t deny the leadership that you have exhibited throughout your time here with the Storm. You are clearly the favorite, Lawson. You and Hastings are unmatched talent in the entire league. Personally, I always thought you were better. One of you has to stay the alternate. This is your time to vouch for yourself. Cast your vote, so to speak.”

My heel is tapping the ground with restless energy. There is a huge lump in my throat because I never thought I would say these words. Ever since I picked up a hockey stick, this has been my dream. Until I met her. “Go ahead and give it to Hastings.”

Coach looks shocked. “Can I be so bold as to ask why you would give up this opportunity?”

“Because it blinded me from what truly matters in my life. Yes, this is a career, but it’s not going to last forever. I know what I am capable of and I am a damn good hockey player. I have been living my dream of playing in the NHL for almost a decade and to wear that C on my jersey would be an honor…”

“So, why are you letting Hastings take the spot? When you clearly deserve it more.”

“It is not up to me to determine if I deserve this spot. It’s up to the team and up to you, sir. I am just saying that if you make the decision to give it to Hastings, I will accept it and respect it. I’m sick of playing games and fighting with Hastings aboutthis. I hope that if it’s the other way around, he feels the same way, but I can only control how I feel. Adamski is irreplaceable. His shoes are going to be impossible to fill. If I am granted this responsibility, I will strive to be the best leader I can for this team. I may not do things the way Adamski does things, but I will lead nonetheless.”

“Well that’s all I needed to hear. I am going to converse with your teammates one more time and you’ll know our decision soon.” He raps his knuckles on his desk, switching gears. “Let’s have a good game, Lawson. We are up three games to none. This is the last series before we head to the finals. Let’s put the nail into this coffin tonight. I really want that cup.”

“So do I.” I finally stand up and shake my coach’s hand. “I’ll try my best, sir.”

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