Page 65 of Forecasting the Forward

“You better clean it up, young man! This is a nice block,” a woman shouts.

I wave at her. “I got it.”

I don’t got it.

I should have asked more questions. I volunteered to walk Thunder to give Becca a bit of time to herself. I could tell she was overwhelmed. Clearly, I handle spontaneity better than her, because I’ve always rolled with the punches of life. But her world has really been thrown a curveball with the death of her father. Then she’s suddenly married to me. She has a trial-by-fire into the hockey WAG lifestyle, and now I’m asking her to move in with me.

So she gets a few minutes without me breathing down her neck.

“The bags are on the leash!” Jesus, old lady. I would have figured it out.

“Yeah, okay. I’m good.”

“No, you’re not,” she cackles.

Yeah, I’m grossed out that I’m going to be picking up dog poop with only the thinnest pieces of plastic known to man separating it from touching my skin.

Once I get the bag pulled out of the odd contraption Becca has attached to the leash, I decide to double — no, triple — bag it as a precaution. Sue me, this is my first time. I’m a dog shit virgin.

Thunder gives me one hell of a side-eye as I grimace while cleaning up his mess. “Did you eat a whale, my guy? Why is there this much?”

He sighs, completely over me. Trust me, I get it.

Carefully tying a knot in the bag, I look around for a trash can to dump Thunder’s droppings. Spotting one across the street, we jog over to get rid of the nastiness. Thunder continues west, away from Becca’s apartment, and as I’m about to pull him to turn around, my phone dings with a text. Hoping it’s Becca, I’m only slightly disappointed when it’s my group text with the guys.

I’ve managed to master the art of texting while walking, and while adding in a leashed dog is a new challenge, I open the group text to see what shenanigans my teammates are up to.

Levi

I think we should break this text into the marrieds and the non-marrieds.

Nally

I agree.

Daws

Why?

Nally

Because all you guys do is talk about your wives and babies and shit like that.

Daws

It was literally just me married until yesterday. Well, technically Santzy was in the group chat for a bit, until someone pissed him off and he left.

Me

YOU pissed him off, Daws. You did that. I tried to add him back in, but he wouldn’t let me.

Daws

Me? No. It couldn’t be.

Nally

Oh it was totally you. You reminded him that you hit on his wife before he was with her.

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