Page 49 of Kylan

But we could have tried.

I woke up to the feeling of being watched, and when I rolled over, my neck pulled, my head ached, and I felt ill.

Leon was standing there, dressed and ready for work.

“Marek,” he said gently.

I gripped my stomach. “I can’t go to work today. I feel sick.” I sat up, my whole body stiff and sore. My heart felt like lead in my chest. I groaned as I got to my feet, my stomach rolling. “I’m sorry.”

Leon went to help me, but pulled his hand back as if he was afraid to touch me. Afraid I’d reject him.

I hate this.

I hate all of this.

I was crying before I even got in the shower. I was crying when I crawled into bed, and I cried myself to sleep.

Everything was wrong.

Our perfect life, our perfect everything was wrong.

I slept for hours, which was hardly surprising considering I’d barely slept a wink all night.

I tried to eat some crackers mid-afternoon, but it waslike trying to swallow cardboard. So I made some lemon tea, but it was no better.

I wanted to text Kylan a dozen times, but didn’t know where to start. And in the end, I had to let him know I was sorry.

I’m so sorry.

I hope you’re okay.

I don’t expect a reply but please know I am so very sorry.

I didn’t expect a reply, but by god, it didn’t stop me hoping for one.

I held my phone and waited. And waited, and when no reply was forthcoming, no text bubble, my text still unread, it made me cry all over again.

I wanted to go to him, and I wondered if I should. I wondered if it would hurt Leon if I did. Would it be a breach of his trust?

I couldn’t decide between them who to hurt the most.

Kylan was already hurting, and I knew Leon was too. But Leon had said to let him go.

My darling husband, the absolute love of my life...

I was so angry at him. Betrayed, hurt, and so fucking heartsore.

I still didn’t want to see him. I didn’t know what to say.

Something felt irrevocably broken and I didn’t know how to fixit.

If it was fixable at all.

By four o’clock I was back in bed, utterly miserable. This dark hole of heartbreak felt insurmountable. Neverending.

I woke up again to Leon feeling my forehead with the back of his hand.

“Hey,” he whispered.

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