Page 70 of Crash & Burn

Music has become my third favorite thing, following photography and being part of Cross My Heart, but I guess all three of those things are bundled together for me.

I still think of Nico, every single day, but I think of the happy memories. The memories that warm my soul like the sun, and I wake up every morning being able to keep my dreams in my head where they belong, rather than wishing they would come true.

“Are you ready to debut your song tomorrow?” Tomorrow is the last of these six shows, and it is the show they have been waiting for. Now that Cross My Heart is already signed on for next year’s tour, the guys can just enjoy this last show. No pressure, no worries, and they have been planning to debut a new single.

These three months have been exhausting when it comes to booking a whole-ass tour without an agent, manager, or being part of a record label, so those three things are the next steps along with prepping for the Heartbreakers Tour.

“Yeah, we’ve been practicing the past few weeks. I think it’s ready,” Eddie says with a soft smile. He finally turned his head to look at me, and I wish he didn’t. His elbow is resting on the bar, and he is leaning his head on his fist. I wish I had brought my camera to take a picture because this moment makes me realize how much I miss him.

Our friendship started and ended and then started again in ways that are still so confusing to me, but, regardless of everything, having him in my life is a gift I never knew I wanted.

Something I never knew Ineeded.

“I’m excited to hear it,” I reply, facing him and matching his position. The dim lighting of the bar should be unflattering, but it makes him look even more alluring. A new addition to this process we call healing is, now that my mind isn’t so occupied with all the things I can’t control, I have more room to think, fantasize, and dream about certain green eyes on me in ways that make my chest heat. Looking at Eddie now, thewayhe is looking at me, does not bode well for me when it comes to keeping my dirty thoughts in check.

No,I tell myself.Not okay.

Yes, we are healing. Yes, we are in a good place.

But no. We will not be fantasizing about your brother’s best friend.

Not anymore.

“I think you’ll like it,” he smiles and looks down where my feet are hanging off the stool. I wish his eyes were still on me, making me feel a lot of things I shouldn’t, but when I notice the hint of pink in his cheeks, I decide that I’d much rather this instead.

Chapter 23

Eddie

Emmett always talks about how cute it is that Drew blushes all the time. How he can always tell how she’s feeling by the color of her cheeks.

I never thought much about it, usually ignoring him or giving him shit for being so in love, but now I understand why Drew always complains when Emmett points out that she is blushing.

Mia asking me about the song makes me nervous. Like a first-date-as-a-teenager nervous. She has absolutely no idea that for the past three months, I’ve been listening to her hum a song I never heard before, and that it got stuck in my head.

The only way for me to get it out was to write it.

When she hears this song tomorrow night, there is no telling how she will react.

Will she like it? Hate it? Not even notice it’shers?

And what if she notices it’s the song she has been humming and thinks I’m a fucking weirdo?

I have barely seen the girl in three months, and I am almost positive that the weekend in her hotel room and our road trip in Mateo’s car were a fever dream. I have convinced myself that after I punched the dickhead at the show for touching her, causing a handprint bruise to form on her arm, Mateo then punched me, and I didn’t wake up until Monday morning in our apartment.

My obsession with Mia has become unhealthy, growing more every day that she was around at practice or at our place, but I couldn’t spend any time with her. Frustrating is an understatement, and whoever saidabsence makes the heart grow fonderdidn’t mention that a best friend’s little sister with pretty brown eyes and a body taken straight from my fantasies will make your heart forget how to function properly.

Don’t get me wrong, the work she has done for Cross My Heart has been fucking phenomenal, and I can’t thank her and Mateo enough for working their asses off to get us to where we are now, on tour with record labels interested in us.

The selfish part of me is just bitter that we decided to be friends that weekend of the road trip, but I haven’t been able to take advantage of that since.

She also has no idea how many songs she inspired, some that may never leave the privacy of my notebook, but others that I have shared with the guys that could potentially be the start of being more than a local, indie rock band. And one that we are debuting tomorrow.

Mia has been posting about our last show all over our social media platforms, hinting at a surprise at the end of the show as a thank you for the support over these last months.

All eyes on us, but the most important eyes, Mia’s eyes, onme.

“You nervous, raindrop?” she asks, and my stupid blush deepens at the nickname. Something that started off as her smartass way to get under my skin but reminds me that she is the sunshine to my rainy day.

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