Page 69 of Pretty Obsessed

Emory Ker

The messages began to ping as I drove away from the ranger station. I'd sat with myself all night, and no words came. When the sun came up, I’d tried to hike and I’d tried to read but nothing helped. I couldn't keep staring at the walls as loneliness crept around me. What was once my sanctuary felt like false hope and ghosts. The ghosts of what could have been and what will no longer be.

Maybe it was time to sell the place. But what would happen to my writing? I felt like all the places I used to find words had been taken from me. Why did death shift the land beneath our feet and make what used to be normal seem like impossible tasks? I'd finished a dozen novels. Why was this one harder than the rest combined?

But more than anything else, I was worried about what River dealt with alone. I couldn’t bear to think what he might be suffering if the worst had happened.

I forced myself to get out of the mountains before pulling into a gas station to check my messages. Part of me hoping River would still be in Chicago when I got there. If he even wanted to see me.

A few messages from River, and one from— My ex-hole. What the actual fuck? My thumb hovered over River's name, but I clicked on Pat.

Pat: Are you fucking kidding me? You wouldn't take me up there but you're there with some new guy? You're going to keep blaming me for what I did, but in reality, it's at least partly your fault.

I stared at the message. How the hell did he know?

Will wouldn't have talked to him. But who then? I shook my head. The guy who cheated on mewouldbe mad if a month later I took someone else to my cabin. I was furious and started typing out a message. My thumb hovered over send but instead, I hit delete and let out a breath.

What would texting him do?

Instead, I opened River's messages.

River: He's okay. I mean…he's not but he's alive.

River: I can't believe they made me leave for this.

River: I'm so mad.

River: It was good. Iris needed it, but Alexander is such an asshole.

River: I'm sorry I'm venting in your messages.

River: I miss you. Last message I swear.

I brushed my thumb over his words like a moron.

About to send him another message one popped through.

River: I don't know why these are showing read, I can't help but think it's the universe playing a joke on me, there is no way you've gotten through forty thousand words in the last twenty-four hours.

River: But I digress, I've decided to go to Japan early with Iris, to see if I can get through to him. I've left a ticket with my assistant. He'll book it for you and arrange everything the second you're finished.

River: I'm sending energy through the universe for you to finish.

River: Still showing these as read. Clearly, the universe finds my pain funny.

I laughed at the last one.

Emory: I'm here.

River: You can't be finished.

Emory: I'm not.

River: Go back up there.

Damn bossy.

Emory: It wasn't working there.

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