Page 99 of Kandie Shoppe

U,

My phone was turned off, and it’s going to take me a little bit to get it back. Im selling cakes an pies from Pa-Pete’s truck. Peple really love them. There is sumthing I need to tell you. We are going to have a babee. Don’t worry. I’m saving all my muney to get babee stuf. I’m skared to tell you the truf. I just fownd out and I’m alredy two months. I no it’s too soon. I know I ain’t ready. Plese let me no what you want to do.~ kandie

Kandie,

I guess what we had was a one-time thing, huh? Folks writing me saying all kinds of shit that just add up. I know better to trust Claira-Lee but she’s not the only one. You working at The Shack part-time? Fighting at Cowboys? What’s going on? I’m sending you this ticket. If you want something better use it. Take care of yourself, wildcat. ~U

Mom,

I don’t know what’s going on with Kandie. Claira-Lee wrote and I know better than to pay her any mind. But even Mathias been hearing things. I know she loves to bake. Seems like she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me but can you give her the money from my bonus. It’s 10k. Make it look like it didn’tcome from me or she won’t take it. She’s so prideful. She hasn’t learned that she doesn’t have to everything all on her own. I know she doesn’t trust what we had. I don’t know if I can either. I do know I never felt this way before, I know I never will again. Still, I’m not mad at her I just want the best for her and I know you do to. ~U

U,

I won this big competition with the caramel cake you told me you love so much. I’m going to open a bakery and call it The Kandie Shoppe — is that too corny? Ms. Granger has been helping me with my spelling. So, I’m getting better. She also told me to read the Chronicles Of Narnia when I told her I liked the movie. The book is huge but I’m going to give it a try. I guess this is my last letter, U. I guess you’re too busy saving the world and trying to stay alive. People were saying you are never coming home. I asked your mom, and she said she didn’t know but I could tell she was just trying to save my feelings. Well, I know I said it once but I’ll tell you again. Whether you come back or not. I love you. Even if you never speak to me again. I love you. Even if you think what happened between us was one big mistake. I don’t know if I can do this alone— having a baby I mean. Please don’t be mad. I love you.

Your wildcat~ kandie

He’s grippingthe last letter I sent so hard it nearly crumbles in his hands. I cover his hand and look at him. His face is flushed with grief and sadness that I feel tearing inside me just the same. I’m so mad at myself for being so prideful that I didn’t get help mailing my own letters instead of trusting his mom.

“I didn’t know.” He dips his head scrubbing his face. Lifting his face to the ceiling then he looks at me. “Did she take youto the clinic?” An open wound ripped raw are his words in that moment.

“Yeah.” I nod. “We went to Birmingham to the All Women’s Health Clinic. I was so scared, and Marlene took care of me the whole time. But — I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I didn’t want to. I was pretty sure you didn’t want me anymore and would hate me if I went ahead with the pregnancy.” My words drift off. My words sound so silly knowing what I do now. I never regretted it until now. “I hate you didn’t know.”

His arms encircle me as sobs break across my body in huge waves. Pulling me into his chest he rubs my back as he buries his face in my curls. He just holds me and holds me as I cry.

“I don’t care what her intentions were, my mom was wrong for what she did to us. It was unforgivable. She should have had more faith in me and you. You have shown me and everyone else that your spirit is unshakeable. How she couldn’t see you were the best thing to ever happen to me, my happiness, my joy, my everything — She robbed us of so much, Kandie.” He pulls back, eyes red-rimmed, as he looks down at me. Grim determination is stamped on his face as clear as his starburst scar.

“Not another day. Not one. From this day forward, we will be together. Nothing can break us. We came back together for a reason, wildcat. That reason is forever.” Touching his forehead to mine, he breathes me in like he needs me to live. “You are my forever.”

I inhale him with the same measure of adoration. “You have always been mine, Ulysses. You have always been my hero. For a long time, I didn’t trust that anyone could love me, flaws and all. I always felt like I had to earn my way. So when you came along looking out for me with just the purpose of keeping me safe sometimes, even from myself, I didn’t believe it. Now I believe in you — in us. Forever is not long enough, though nothing will ever be enough with the way you love me.”

“I can’t believeyou were behind the fair prize,” I say after I finish my soup, looking on as he polishes off the beef lo mein with gusto. I can tell by his enthusiasm he’s not eaten much if at all the last week I’ve been gone.

“I didn’t trust that you would take it. In my mind, you were already running from me. I thought—" he cuts off, giving me an embarrassed look. “I-I kept running off that night you gave yourself to me and the two weeks I was on leave. I tried to figure out if I misread the situation. If you thought I took advantage of you.” He shakes his head roughly. “Fuck,” cursing harshly, he puts the finished lo mein on the nightstand and looks at me. “After I was injured, I chose to convalesce in Landstuhl rather than come home because I didn’t want to upset you. Now I wish?—”

“Uh, uh.” Pressing my finger up to his lips, I shake my head. “No more of that. We ain’t blaming ourselves over things we didn’t know about. We had an amazing start those two weeks and a pretty good pick-up season this time. Now we just move forward, doing our best. I’m going to do my best for us, U.” That’s the only thing I can give him already knowing what he wants and knowing I can’t make that promise.

“I know you will, wildcat,” he says, accepting my words, my promise. “I’m going to give you the best of me. I’ll be there for you however you need me to be. I love you no matter what.”

The truth shining in his eyes speaks a truth my soul is anxious to answer.

Later, when he tucks my still sore and aching body into his, I listen to him drift off, knowing this is what my dad meant by finding the answer to one’s soul.

The End

Epilogue

(TWO YEARS LATER)

Kandie

“I really can’t stand your alabaster ass sometimes.” I skewer my husband with a mean look, watching as he tastes test the chiffon cream icing.

“Your pussy says different.” He licks his tongue out, pink cream dripping from his tongue. “And it’s still too tart.” He screws his face up in a mock frown. “Do it again.”

It takes me an entire five seconds of hearing his order before I take the powder sugar I was leveling and toss it in his face.

“Motherfucker,” he roars, but I’m already racing out of the door, hearing it slam behind me as I take off into the woods out behind our house.

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