Page 76 of Her Cruel Redemption

‘That you need to stop trying to control it. Magic is lead, not forced, and you’ll get further by feeling it than by thinking it.’

‘Daethie,’ I said firmly, ‘are you going to tell me how exactly I go about doing that, or will you keep feeding me proverbs?’

‘Fine. Close your eyes.’

I hesitated.

‘Do you want my help or not?’ she prompted.

I exhaled and did as she said. The darkness behind my eyelids felt too vast, too empty.

‘Now, feel.’

I scoffed. ‘Feel what?’

‘Yourself.’

‘That’s—’

‘Difficult?’ she supplied. ‘Frightening?’

I pressed my lips together. I didn’t answer, but she already knew.

‘Magic isn’t separate from you, Rhi. It isn’t a wild thing that refuses to be tamed. Itisyou.’ Her voice softened. ‘And you hate yourself too much to trust it.’

A sharp knot twisted in my chest. ‘That’s not true.’

‘Isn’t it?’

I shook my head.

‘You force your emotions into shapes that don’t fit,’ she continued, as if she were peeling me open with gentle, steady hands. ‘Youcommandthem instead of listening.’ She reached forward, pressing a hand to my chest. I cringed away, but she didn’t let go. ‘What are you feeling right now?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Lie.’

I clenched my jaw.

‘Say it,’ she pushed. ‘What’s inside you right now?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It does.’

I swallowed hard. ‘I’m angry,’ I admitted.

‘At what?’

‘Everything.’ My breath came quicker. ‘Atmyself. At the magic. At you, for making me do this.’

‘That’s a good start. But anger seems to be the emotion you’re most comfortable with. What else?’

‘I’mscared,’ I snapped, the words cutting out of me before I could stop them. My hands curled into fists. This time, she didn’t ask of what, and I didn’t offer an explanation. Perhaps the fact that we were about to go into battle was explanation enough. Perhaps I was always going into battle, my whole life one constant struggle against the forces of circumstance that would have killed me long ago if I let them. And yes, I was scared of what would happen if I stopped. If I took the time tofeel. ‘And I’m sad,’ I whispered, more to myself than to her.

A sudden gust of wind swirled around us. I could feel the magic prickling all through my body, as if stirred by the wind like the trees and the grass.

‘You need to let yourself feel,’ Daethie murmured. ‘You need to let itmove. Stop caging it. It’s interfering with your ability to know yourself. You can’t wield your magic because you can’t connect with it and feel the way it’s part of you.’

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