Page 82 of Killing Me Softly

He couldn’t let Aaron believe that his love was conditional.

So he twisted in the seat, sliding his hand along the side of Aaron’s neck, drew him in, and kissed him.

Soft. Firm.Absolute.

“You think I could just fall out of love withyouthat easy?”

Aaron gave the smallest, most fragile shrug. “No idea. Not got any frame of reference for this sort of thing.” He slumped his head back on the cushion. “Mum told me I’d suffocate anyone who tried to love me and, so far,twoblokeshavesuffocated because of me. And one elderly woman.Yourmum.” A bitter exhale. “Didn’t think she meant it literally.”

Kenny could have shattered.

He didn’t let himself.

Instead, he kissed Aaron again. Harder that time, more desperate, filled with every ounce of conviction Aaron had been denied his entire life.

“I love you.” Kenny rested his forehead on Aaron’s. “I’m so fucking in love with you, it’s part of me now. You’re in my blood, bones, every damn breath I take. There isn’t anything you could do, nothing you could say, that will change that. You areitfor me. You, strangely, are the only thing Iamcertain of.”

Aaron gave a small, almost doubtful smile, and Kenny hated how Aaron didn’t know how to believe him.

Heneededto believe him.

“But,” Kenny leaned back just enough to meet Aaron’s gaze, “wearegoing to talk about why you visited your mother.” He settled back on the sofa, fingers still tangled with Aaron’s. “And the implications that has on your mental health.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Yes, doctor.”

“I’m serious, Aaron.”

Aaron stilled.

Kenny turned to him. “I know you seek answers. I get it. Understand it more than you know. I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to untangle the human mind. Searching for cause and effect, for patterns in the chaos, for answers that might explain the inexplicable. And do you know what I’ve learned? It doesn’t make it hurt less.” He traced absent circles with his thumb over the back of Aaron’s hand. “Knowingwhysomeone did something doesn’t take the pain away. We tell ourselves that if we justunderstandit, if we can break it apart and study every jagged piece, then maybe—maybe—it won’t feel so unbearable.” He exhaled, closing his eyes, “But it doesn’t work that way. And me being in love with you?” He opened his eyes. “Means I don’t want you drowning in that same lie. I don’t want you hurting just to find answers that won’t ever fix what’s already broken. I want you to hurtless. Not hurtat all. So if youhaveto do this, if youhave to chase ghosts, just… let me do it with you. So you don’t have to carry it alone.”

Aaron blinked, just once, but Kenny saw the pain, the buried hurt, the part of him that still, despite everything, craved something from the woman who had never given him anything but scars.

“She will erode your self-worth,” Kenny said, quiet but certain. “And shedoes notcare about you. She doesn’t knowhowto care about you. And that isn’t your fault. It isn’t evenherfault. But for the love of all things still good in this world, letmeshow you what real love is.”

Aaron remained quiet. Stunned into silence. But he didn’t have time to respond as Fraser bundled in through the front door and into the living room, a bottle of real Coke under his arm along with a plastic bag dangling from his fingers, sweat pouring from his face.

“Okay, got the full fat stuff. ‘Fraid no Crème Eggs but they had this creme egg ice cream, so I got that. Fuck knows what it tastes like. But as we deep fry Mars bars up in Glasgow, I can’t really comment.” He dumped the items on the coffee table along with a share bag of Haribo Starmix, which he then grabbed. “Sorry, that’s for Jack.” He then stepped back. “I’ll get spoons and the drink.”

As Fraser dipped out, Aaron launched at Kenny and kissed him, fingers gripping the strands of his hair. But there was no time for anything else as Fraser came back with the glasses, spoons, JD and a bottle of Glenfiddich. He sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table and, after he poured all the drinks, Aaron stood.

“I need to sleep.”

“Uh…sure. Okay.” Fraser looked at Kenny. “I put you guys in the spare room. It’s all set. Bed changed. Excuse the walls, we’re mid decorating. Jack said you two were…okay to share a bed.”

“We are.” Kenny stood, then motioned for Aaron to go. He did, and Kenny grabbed the glass of whisky and downed it, dumping it back on the table. “Thanks for this. And sorry for…” He gestured to all the stuff on the coffee table. Apart from his whisky, none of it had been touched.

Fraser waved him off. “Don’t mention it, pal. I owe you, anyway.”

“You do?”

Fraser held his gaze. “I got my Jack back.”

Kenny smiled. “I’m glad. He’s a keeper. As are you.”

“You’ve got your hands full with that one.” Fraser nodded toward the door Aaron had disappeared through.

Kenny let out a breath caught between exhaustion and wry acceptance. “Lucky for me I like my hands full.”

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