Page 63 of Tactically Acquired

Thumper spun in his seat again. “Her? Oh, I was just talking in general.” He frowned. “I’m sorry, did you like her like that?”

“No, I don’t?—”

“You asshole,” IRIS snapped. “Of course the man likes her. Didn’t you see the way he held onto her as he dove out of the house?”

“No, I was too busy trying to not get blown up.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” IRIS nodded. “You should have seen it from my point of view. He grabbed her and tucked her in tight. Just like a football.”

“Like a football, huh?” Thumper shook his head. “Can’t really argue with that.”

“Would you two just shut the fuck up? There’s nothing going on here! I’ve barely spoken to the woman!”

“And yet, he knows that he wants her,” IRIS sighed. “His body reacts to her.”

“My body reacts to a stripper on the stage. What’s your point?” I argued.

Thumper spun again. “Look, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I mean, aside from the obvious money differences and the beauty factor?—”

“Whoa, just hold up a minute,” I snapped. “Are you saying I couldn’t get a woman like Audrey?”

Thumper opened his mouth, then turned to IRIS. “Is that what I was saying?”

“That’s what it sounded like you were saying.”

“I guess that’s what I was saying.”

“I could get a woman like her,” I snapped. “What? You think the bald head is going to turn her off?”

Thumper winced. “She did call you Baldy.”

“She did,” IRIS agreed.

“That’s not exactly a loving nickname.”

“Neither is Thumper,” I retorted. “Yet, Bree still calls you that.”

“Because I eat rabbits,” he nodded.

This was a bunch of bullshit. Yes, Audrey was fucking beautiful. I was well aware of the fact that she was ten times out of my league, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t a good catch.

“I’m charming and muscular and handsome and?—”

“See, that should have been your first quality,” IRIS sighed. “Always say handsome first. When you say charming, that’s like when guys say they’re funny. I’m not good-looking, but I’m funny! What woman says they’re looking for that?”

“Plenty of women like funny men,” I argued.

“Yes, but not many women are strictly looking for men who are ugly and funny.”

He had me there. But that was beside the point. I wasn’t ugly. At least, I didn’t think so. “You know?—

“Hey, we’re here,” Thumper grinned. “Now you can carry your sweetheart inside and get her all tucked in for the night.”

“What? No, Rae?—”

“Oh, she has things to do,” IRIS said as he shut off the vehicle. He spun around in his seat and grinned at me. “Yeah, she’s on close protection for Spencer.”

“And why the fuck would she do that?”

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