Page 11 of Hainn

“No. I don’t think so. But I like her, she’s good company and I find her attractive. I’d like to get to know her better, the feeling seems mutual but she’s being standoffish.”

“Because of the time she was infatuated with me?” Timtur’s voice was matter of fact.

“She doesn’t trust herself with me except when she’s in an emotional whirlwind and I’d like to assure her there’s nothing wrong with the two of us becoming friends. The two of us have nothing to do with the episode when she was so ill and—and attached to the idea of you. But then she’s so adamant I began to question whether she was right and I was wrong.” He fixed his gaze on the painting and admitted, “No other woman interests me any longer.”

“And you’re sure she’s not meant to be your mate?”

Hainn had to force his talons into their sheaths and he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I wish we were more like you warriors of the northern packs. You meet a certain woman and bam, instant surety of the mate bond, even if the woman herself doesn’t sense the possibility for herself at first. We—most of my brothers, not all—don’t have that luxury. We have to come to the realization more slowly. We have to work for it. She’s on my mind constantly, I find her scent intoxicating…but mate bond?” He tapped his chest over his heart. “There’s nothing there.”

“I fought against mating with Lily,” Timtur said, surprising Hainn. “At the time we were all totally new to this concept of mates. Only Aydarr and Jill, and Mateer and Megan weremated. I knew I loved Lily and wanted only her, but I questioned how I could carry out my duties to the pack and to the Great Mother if I was also a claimed mate. I was a fool, which the Great Mother basically told me. I had to nearly lose Lily to the Khagrish before I accepted the truth in my heart and literally fought a battle to the death for her. I also had a long talk with Aydarr about how he balanced being the Alpha and being a claimed mate.” He shook his head. “You may think it’s hard to sit here and talk to me about this issue. Imagine discussing these matters with Aydarr. He and I have a special bond of friendship going way back to our days as a cub when he and Mateer saved my life. The Khagrish wanted to cull me for being a physical weakling. But opening my heart to him and him doing the same in return to talk about what he and Jill share was a greater gift then even my life.”

“You’re not weak,” Hainn protested. “I’ve seen you in battle.”

“Now. But when I was a cub I had a few disadvantages which eventually I grew out of. Aydarr and Mateer incurred extra punishments to give me the chance. But we’re straying from your dilemma. If a woman is your fated mate, then it doesn’t matter who you are, you need to do your best to win her. But the decision is ultimately always hers. That’s the Great Mother’s decree.”

“I’m going to have to push Jezari to give me a chance for us to find out if we’re meant to be and I’m not even sure myself,” Hainn said.

“Another point to consider is all of us are claimed mates with human women. Jezari is Badari and equivalent to a Generation One at that. You’re a Gen Eight. It may be the factors which activate the potential mate bond aren’t present in such a generational mismatch. Or perhaps Badari to Badari doesn’t activate the link. You could be together as mates but perhaps not experience the claiming.”

The idea didn’t make Hainn happy. He hoped the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel. “I think I’m more confused than I was when I came in here,” he said honestly.

With a chuckle, Timtur said, “I apologize but life’s biggest questions are unfailingly complex. If you’re asking me as Senior Healer of all the packs if I give my approval for you to investigate the possibility you’re found your fated mate in Jezari, a former patient, then yes, you have it with no reservations. If you want my advice as a claimed mate?”

“Please.” Hainn was desperate at this point.

“Perhaps the two of you need to see each other in a fresh light, out of the valley. If you could take her to a place where your shared history of healer and patient have no roots, perhaps the change of location would clear the way for clarity about who else you can be to each other.” Rubbing his jaw, the healer added, “I don’t know where since of course travel is so limited for all of us unless we’re on a combat or reconnaissance mission. Too bad you can’t take her to the South Seas—it was certainly beautiful there, the one time I saw it when we came south to destroy the lab where you were created. But maybe you could arrange to go to Tratus’s settlement up north on rotation, if Daegan would let you go and Jezari could go for a visit. I think it could be arranged, if she wanted to go.”

The basic idea was appealing but Hainn didn’t believe visiting the Tzibir pack’s stronghold would be much different from life in Sanctuary Valley except Jezari would probably end up even more isolated than she was here. He was about to say so when a thought occurred to him, unveiling itself in his mind in perfect detail. “You’ve given me an idea though.”

“Feeling better about the whole situation?” Timtur rapped his knuckles on the desk. “Good, I’m glad. Come talk to me any time. And you know the Great Mother can be approached by anyBadari but especially by a healer with a troubled mind. She may not answer but even her silence contains a message, yes?”

“Absolutely.” Hainn left his chair and headed for the door. “Thanks, brother, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone else.”

“Conversations between healers are strictly confidential,” Timtur said.

Hainn rereadthe notification stating he’d been randomly selected to go on the next expedition to the surfing spot. It had arrived a few days ago and he was keenly anticipating the opportunity to test himself against the giant waves. Since talking with Timtur yesterday he couldn’t stop thinking about Jezari doing all her swimming in the lake here in the valley and he knew she’d love the challenge of surfing the towering 100’ waves at the offshore sea mount. Decision made, he requested a meeting with Daegan, his Alpha, who told him to come over to Admin now as he had a few minutes free.

Daegan was drinking tea, feet up on his desk when Hainn arrived. “What’s so urgent today?”

“I got my chit for the next trip to the sea mount and I want to ask for a favor,” Hainn said. Access to these jaunts was strictly controlled. Badari got to go on a rotating basis, with several additional people picked by the Alphas each time as a special form of recognition. The trips were kept small and infrequent to avoid attracting attention from the Khagrish. “I’d like to take a person with me.”

Chair banging as he sat upright, Daegan frowned. “Humans can’t surf those waves. Even my own mate, who is an excellent surfer wouldn’t attempt them. And I don’t think a human woman will enjoy going all the way out there with a bunch of our soldiers, just to sit and wait for you to come to the shore froma day of surfing.” He got a gleam in his eye, raised one eyebrow and chuckled. “Although I will admit the evenings can be fun.”

“Not a human woman.” Hainn was annoyed at the assumption his Alpha had made. Sure he was known to casually date a number of the women in the valley but he’d never ask to include any of them in a Badari-only activity.

“Who then?”

“Jezari, of Keshara’s pack.”

Deagan blinked hard. “Why in the name of the goddess? All I ever hear about her is what a pain she is, all prickly and rude, although Keshara seems to find her useful as an assistant.” He leaned forward, eyes narrowed and drummed his talons on the desk. “You don’t think the Great Mother means her to be your fated mate, do you? Not sure I want her in my pack.”

Hainn flinched at the unanswerable question. “She’s a friend and nothing more but as a healer, I think she might need the stimulus of surfing the giant waves in a similar manner to the way we require it. She has all this excess energy to burn and nowhere to release it, especially since she doesn’t get assigned to combat missions.”

“Aydarr wouldn’t hear of risking her out there. Or any of the Badari females, not after what happened to Raeblinn when she did go into the field.” Daegan studied him.

Hainn had to fight not to lower his eyes or shift from foot to foot. Lying to his Alpha was a hard thing to achieve. But was he lying? The girl did need something to help her deal with daily life here in the valley and she was getting to be a person he could regard as a friend. But a fated mate? Hainn wasn’t ready to be tied down and neither he nor his inner beast had felt any of the stirrings of affection, must less love. Had they? He was a conflicted mess and the situation frustrated him but he’d made the request and he wasn’t backing off now.

“As a healer, eh?” Daegan asked, amusement plain in his voice. “The Badari women are beautiful although if you repeat that to my mate, I’ll shred you. Have you cleared it with her Alpha?”

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