Page 101 of Flare

Goddammit.

I kept trying, glancing at Beck. Any minute now he was going to turn over and... shame filled my eyes with tears I didn’t fucking want.

Why now?

I was so ready. He’d been so good, so fucking patient. I was finally gonna fuck him. And I wanted it. Ready and excited and wanting.

What more did I fucking need?

I dropped my soft dick in disgust and tried to remember what Callum had said. Things could get worse before they get better. Well, fuck that.

I fisted my cock and tried again, wanting to slam my head against the wall.Thiswas what Nolan had walked away from. The restraints were an issue, but this,thiswas what buried us for good.

The mattress dipped as Beck finally rolled to his back, and I spun away, still trying to get any reaction from my cock, which was soft as fucking jelly.

“You starting without me, babe?” He said silkily, running a finger down my back.

“Mm-hmm. Roll onto your stomach.”Come on. Come. On.

He hesitated. “Rhys?”

Fuck.I wiped at my eyes. “I need to take a piss.” Maybe I could work some sort of miracle in there. I went to stand, but he grabbed my hand and I immediately recoiled. “Don’t touch me!”

He jerked back like I’d slapped him and quickly let go. “Rhys. Talk to me, honey.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, took a deep breath, and got to my feet, dropping my hands to my sides as heat flared in my face bright enough to land the space shuttle. “You can forget about being fuckedanywhere.”

His gaze dropped to my flaccid and totally uninterested cock as understanding dawned. And I watched as he sifted through a million responses to choose the right one that wouldn’t set me off. The right tone. The right level of empathy. And my anger rolled.

“Hey.” Beck held out his hand. “Come here.”

“No.” Humiliation pricked my eyes and I dropped to the mattress, pulling the duvet over my lap.

“Rhys.” He flicked his open hand. “Come on.”

I took it and slid across to lie stiffly beside him. He drew up the covers, cradled my face, and kissed my wet cheeks dry, all the while murmuring how beautiful I was, how brave, how everything was going to be okay, like he knew shit about any of that.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Like I was a child to be soothed. I angled my face away from his mouth.

He sighed and leaned back. “Remember what you told me? There’s a lot going on and this kind of thing was to be expected. Last night was fine. This morning, not so much. So maybe we’re rolling the dice for a bit?”

“Panic attackswere to be expected,” I muttered angrily against his chest. “Not... this.”

“Hey, it’s fine.” He went to cup my face, but I jerked back and rolled away. “Steps forward, steps back, right?”

“It’snotfine,” I snapped, dragging my hand across my face. “And I don’t need the pep talk.” I swung my legs off the bed and reached for my shirt.

“Rhys, I didn’t mean...” He got up on one elbow. “Look, I’m sorry. I only meant that I read about this kind of thing happening. It really isn’t impor—”

“Oh, you read about it.” I rammed my shirt buttons through the holes. “That’s just wonderful. I feel so much better.” I snatched my briefs and jeans from the chair and dragged them over my hips.

“What are you doing?” He quickly threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. “Rhys, I only meant that we can work through this. I don’t care about—”

“Stop!” I shouted, grabbing my black merino and shoving it in my overnight bag. “Just fucking stop.” My voice broke and my eyes jammed shut for a second. “Stop being so bloody nice. Stop being so understanding. Stop being so fucking perfect.”

Beck froze, standing naked on the other side of the bed. “Rhys, I know—”

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