Page 50 of The Mechanics of Lust

I nodded. “I know your feelings for him were a part of your decision to finally come out.”

Zach rolled his eyes. “The drum beats loud across the station.”

I smiled, adding, “They care about you.”

He sighed. “I know. And Iwasin love with him.”

I kissed him softly. “I know you were.”

He studied my face, then breathed in and blew it out slowly. “You know, as crazy as it sounds now, it never occurred to me that he’d saynothat day. God, was it only a year ago?” He shook his head. “I thought he might need time to think, but a flat-out no? Nope. I never saw that coming.”

“That must’ve been so hard.” I tightened my hold and he leaned into it.

“It was, and I almost didn’t come out at all after that. I’d convinced myself that Holden was the reason for finally taking that risk with Dad. But strangely enough, when Holden turned me down, that need to come out only became more of an imperative. If I couldn’t have Holden, and I couldn’t pretend anymore that we were headed for a real relationship, then I needed to take some action and get that side of my life in order, because if I didn’t, I was going to end up alone.”

I cupped his cheeks and rubbed our noses together. “It’s a hell of a brave thing to do when you think you know the outcome isn’t going to be great. My family was a breeze in comparison. Barely blinked an eye. Hell, my cousin offered to be our surrogate almost before the ink was dry on our wedding licence.”

He smiled wistfully. “I’m glad you had that.”

Something I knew only too well.

“Jules keeps saying he’s working on Dad, but it’s been almost a year, and to be honest, I think Dad’s way too stubborn to ever admit he might’ve got things wrong. Two months after I left, he changed the station’s trustee document so I’m not part of it anymore.”

Anger burned low in my belly. “Jesus, Zach. Two months? That’s a statement.”

“Pretty much.” His eyes shone suspiciously. “At the time, I thought he couldn’t hurt me anymore, but he found a way.”

“I’m so sorry.” I pulled his head against my chest, wishing I could steal some of his pain. “And your mum?”

He sighed, his hot breath fanning my chest. “My mother is a lovely woman, don’t get me wrong, and she does text now and then to keep in touch, but she’s never stood up to him. She has bad rheumatoid arthritis and doesn’t drive much anymore, so apart from a few video calls, I haven’t seen her since I left. God, I sound like a broken fucking record. I should count myself lucky. Some people lose their whole families. I’ve at least kept contact with some of mine.”

I released him and tipped his chin up once again, fighting to control the fury I felt for his arsehole of a father. “That isn’t luck, Zach. That’s the bare-minimum expectation of family who are supposed to love you. No oneshould have to lose their family because of their sexuality. No. One. You can’t sacrifice yourself to keep other people happy, not even your parents.”

He blinked at whatever he heard in my voice. Then lifted his lips to mine and whispered, “Thank you.”

I kissed him back. “You’re welcome. Have you got any plans for the future? Do you think you’ll stay here?”Please say yes.

Zach shook his head. “Not long-term. I love the lifestyle, and I love working and living in these mountains, but my dream is to set up my own dog training business. That’s where my heart lies.”

I smiled. “Now why doesn’t that surprise me? How is it shaping up?”

He rolled onto his back and I followed, drawing the sheet back over his shoulders. “Slowly, as in mostly non-existent. Shepherding is fine for training my own dogs, but it doesn’t leave me enough time to work with others. I need to be doing a lot more of that along with starting a breeding program. A good sheepdog who has competition wins and a background to prove it can sell for eight to fifteen thousand dollars.”

I gave a low whistle. “Holy shit. I had no idea.”

He shrugged. “I’m talking the best of the best. But it takes a lot of training to get them to that level, a lot of investment. And there’s a shortage of good working dogs, particularly in the South Island. Some dogs even go to Australia.”

As he talked, his eyes brightened with a new excitement. This was Zach’s passion and I found myself growing excited on his behalf. “Holden says your dogs are the best.”

“He would, of course.” Zach’s gaze slid away, but he was smiling. “And they’re right up there, I suppose. Miller Station’s dog team is worth north of fifty thousand, but my two alone are probably worth close to twenty-five, so yeah, they’re good.”

Even on his back, I knew Zach was blushing. The pride he had for his dogs shone through every word.

“But it’s not like I’m ever gonna sell those two,” he said adamantly. “They mean everything to me and they’re part of my future breeding and training program, along with the work I do with farmers and their existing dogs. But that means capital investment, which I don’t have, not to mention time.”

“How long does it take to train a pup?”

“Twelve to eighteen months for the basics, but if you hold on to them another year or so, that’s where the price and the personal satisfaction skyrockets. It means a slower turnover and all the associated costs of that, but it’s the way I want to go. I want to provide the best-trained dogs, not just numbers. I also need to be competing, something I haven’t done much of since I was a teenager. And I need good quality kennelling if I want to breed and provide a live-in retraining service.”

---