Page 92 of The Geography of Happiness

Which also made me smile. “Me too, Princess. But the timing sucks so we’ve agreed just to be friends.”

“Yeah, right,” she huffed. “Friends who text and call each other every single day.”

“Some friends do that,” I countered. “Besides, Spencer is off to Adelaide in the new year, and who knows if he’ll even come back? Plus, I have you to consider. I need to get you graduated and out earning money so that you can look after me in my old age before I abandon you.”

Hannah laughed. “As if you’d ever abandon me. I can hardly take a pee without you knowing where I am.”

There was a hollow edge to her comment and I thought of Spencer’s words.You can only protect her so much and yourself as well. Otherwise, how will she learn to trust herself?

I lifted Hannah’s knuckles to my lips and kissed them. “Is that how it feels to you? Honest answer.”

Her gaze slid away and her voice dropped to a whisper. “Sometimes. But mostly it’s okay.”

Something clenched in my stomach and wouldn’t let go. And when Hannah’s eyes found mine once again, the determination and hope I saw there almost took my breath away. My daughter had more courage than I ever would.

“I know you love me.” She held fast to my hand. “But you can’t spend my whole life telling me that I can conquer the world and then get scared when I start doing it.”

Well, shit.I took a breath and stared in awe at this amazing kid that Amber and I had somehow created. This tiny speck of the universethat ruled my heart. “Is that what I’m doing, sweetheart?”

“You don’t mean to, but sometimes it feels like that.” Her gaze dropped to where our hands lay joined. “I know you don’t want me to go to Nolan, but I am ready, Dad. How will I discover what I don’t know or what I need to learn if I always have you to tell me or do it for me? I’m gonna be on my own in four years”—

A reminder I could well do without.

—“and that’s not as long as you think it is.” She was being careful, so very careful not to hurt me. But there was a quiet desperation that underpinned her words and I hated that I was the cause of it.

“I tell you what,” I said, fighting a swell of shame. “Let’s get this medical check over with and see what we’re up against. Then we can have a long talk with your doctorandNolan Academy and see what they have to say.”

“Really?” Hannah’s expression brightened immediately. Then it fell just as fast. “But what if I need surgery?”

I shrugged, trying not to let my panic about that whole scenario ruin the mood. “One thing at a time,” I deflected. “Dr’s appointment first, and who knows? There might be nothing to worry about after all.”

I should’ve known better.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Friday. Auckland Med. Hospital

Terry

“An osteotomy?”I stared across the desk at Hannah’s doctor who looked as gutted breaking the news as I felt receiving it.

Pauline Lance was a delightful forty-something, smart-as-a-whip Samoan surgeon with shining black hair and a laugh that could topple Hadrian’s Wall. She was also a goddess to people who lived with JIA, and Hannah was lucky to have her as one of her doctors.

It was late afternoon, at the end of a long day of scans and tests, and Hannah’s mood had dropped noticeably with every hour that passed. When we finally made it into Pauline’s office, Hannah sat silent throughout the doctor’s detailed explanation of the results and why Pauline felt surgery could no longer be avoided.

At her words, Hannah’s hand wrapped around mine in an iron grip. “It’s okay, Dad.” She swallowed hard, her eyesbrimming with tears. “It’s not like we didn’t kind of know it already.”

But the devastation on her face told a different story and my heart broke all over again. “Doesn’t make it any easier though, poppet, does it? You deal with enough pain without adding surgery and recovery to the list.”

She squeezed my hand again. “Dr Lance said it might not be so bad.”

“Dr Lance doesn’t know that for sure.” I threw Pauline an accusing look and she shrugged apologetically.

But Hannah’s doctor was made of stern stuff and had no doubt faced many a disgruntled parent in her time. “DrLance—” Pauline repeated with a quirk to her lips. “—does have a teeny tiny bit of experience in this field and I can tell you this much, Hannah. The injury to your knee was made a lot worse by the existing poor state of the joint. And that joint isn’t going to miraculously repair itself given time, which means you’ll continue to be vulnerable to further damage. So, the choice is pretty simple. Unless you want to protect the joint by curtailing all risky physical activity, includingdance, then you need to consider surgery. And my advice would be to get it done as quickly as possible. Just remember that not every person with JIA is suitable for this surgery, so you’re lucky in that regard. But the decision is ultimately down to both of you.”

The blood drained from Hannah’s face. “I can’t stop dancing, Dad. I just... can’t. We have to try this. Please? We have to.” Her eyes pleaded.

Like I had a fucking choice. If we didn’t try the surgery, try to keep Hannah dancing, she’d be devastated. My gaze switched to Pauline. “I need to know exactly what’s involved.”

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