Page 89 of Five Things I Love About You

‘Amy made it clear she didn’t want me around any more,’ he finally says. ‘She made me feel like she’d prefer it if she was married to literally anyone else in the whole world and believe me, after a while that grinds you down.’

It tallies with what the others said, but in my alcohol haze I’m not minded to let him off as easily as that.

‘So you thought you’d just sleep with someone else to get her back?’

He shakes his head and I turn to look at him. He’s watching me now. ‘It wasn’t like that, I swear. It just happened, and only once. I didn’t plan it.’

I look away and he carries on talking.

‘It was a stupid thing to do but… but she made me feel like I was desirable again, and after the way Amy treated me, I…’ He rubs his face. ‘I know it sounds pathetic. But you don’t know how shit she made me feel.’

‘Jo clearly does.’

His head whips round.

‘Jo? What’s she got to do with anything?’

‘She seems to think I’m out to hurt you again. She’sveryprotective.’ My tongue feels fat in my mouth and I struggle to get this last word out. I should probably stop talking now; go home, get some sleep and talk this through with Jay sensibly in the morning.

I also know I’m not going to do that.

‘Why didn’t you tell me the truth?’

He shrugs. ‘It’s not really something you just drop into the conversation with a new girlfriend, is it?’

‘It’s not exactly a good look to start a relationship with a lie either.’Ha, rich coming from you, Miranda.I ignore myself, full of Sauvignon Blanc-fuelled righteous indignation.

A taxi pulls up on the opposite side of the road and I stand. The world spins.

‘I’m going home.’ Jay stands too. ‘Alone.’ I stumble and hold my hand out in front of me to keep Jay away when he moves to help me. ‘No!’

He steps back, a stricken look on his face. ‘Please, Miranda. Don’t be like this.’

But I can’t look at him any more so I wobble across the road, yank open the cab door, and almost fall into the taxi, mumbling my address to the driver. I don’t look round as we speed away down the road, and I’m asleep before we’ve rounded the corner.

* * *

When I wake up, sunlight is streaming through the curtains that I left open last night, I’m still in my underwear, and my breath feels like I’ve been eating soil all night. I roll over, reach for a stale glass of water on my bedside table and down it, not caring about the layer of dust on the top. Ugh, I feelterrible.

Then I remember last night – snatches of it at least – and feel even worse. The ridiculous conversation with the disapproving Jo, the even more ridiculous conversation with the drunken Leah and Helen – and the slurred accusations I threw at Jay afterwards.

And then I remember that I left him stranded at the golf club and am overwhelmed with guilt.

I grab my mobile from my bedside table and check for messages. There are loads from Jay.

Jay

Did you get home OK?

Please talk to me.

OK I’m going to bed now. But I love you.

Are you awake?

Ring me when you get this. I want to explain

I drop my phone on the bed and close my eyes. I know I should reply, or ring him and talk things through. But I don’t feel up to doing anything until I’ve had a shower.

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