I shake my head. I’m overthinking this.
I get out of the car and walk up to my old building. I stand there, looking up at the cement and brick structure. Something in my gut stops me from going inside. Why would the landlord have not told me? Does he not know yet? My mind starts spinning.
I sit down on the bench where I sat waiting after the fire. I do the one thing I swore I would never do. I call my ex.
“Took you fucking long enough,” Eric answers.
“Eric, look. I’m not calling to get back together or make amends or any shit like that. And for the record, your emails need to stop. I just want you to know that Jarrod contacted me, and I don’t want it to be weird between us.”
There’s a long pause on the other end of the phone.
“Jarrod contacted you? And what emails are you talking about?”
“Yes and—”
“When?”
“Just now, he wants to show me a unit he says his friend is giving up in my building. It’s that one I wanted initially. And—”
“Tabs, you need to get out of there. Now! And I didn’t email you. Shit, Jarrod’s had access to my computer up until he went AWOL a few weeks ago,” Eric says.
His voice scares me.
“Why? What do you mean?”
He sighs. I can just imagine him running his hand over his face like he used to do.
“Jarrod went missing a few weeks ago. My parents haven’t been able to reach him and neither have I. He had been getting outpatient treatment for a psychiatric issue, but he didn’t go to his last three appointments and he never picked up his medicine refill last week.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah, holy shit. Listen, I’m pissed about us right now. I still think you should give me another shot, but I would never want you hurt. I know I have some mental issues, too. I’m working on them, but Jarrod…he’s never been right in the head. He got diagnosed with a few mental illnesses last year. I never said anything because…well, it doesn’t matter now. But he’s not in a good state of mind. Where are you right now?”
“I’m out in front of the building.”
“Leave.”
I pull up my app to call another car. My hands shake as I type on the screen.
“OK, I just called for a car.”
“Good. Just tell him you can’t make it or something. I’m sending the police over there now.”
I sit in silence for a minute, listening to Eric’s panicked breath on the other line. I curse myself for leaving the game. For not going with my gut instinct, to begin with.
“Eric?”
“Yes?” His voice sounds so hopeful, and I feel bad saying this to him, but he needs to know. And right now, I need some other conversation to distract me.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m seeing someone. I didn’t want you to find out from someone else.”
There’s dead silence. And for a long minute, I’m worried about what he might say or do.
“I can’t do this right now,” he says.
“I just…this is it. OK? I know you are pissed, but I can’t be with you. You need to fix yourself.”
“Tabs, I know I fucked up. I shouldn’t have touched you. I know I have issues. But I still love you.”