Page 80 of Undeniably Perfect

I am white-knuckling the armrests on either side of my chair. We are all in a box. B-Ray and his current boyfriend are down in the family seats. Kent didn’t want any of us to be out in the crowds if things get crazy.

It’s the top of the ninth, and we are tied four-four. A younger player named Nick Aguirre comes up to bat. I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath until he hits a single and makes it to first base.

“Hey, hey!” Nate’s voice breaks through the tension.

Everyone turns to see that he is holding a box.

“I brought some goodies for everyone to up our fan game!”

Nate places the box on a table and goes to grab a beer. I hadn’t even noticed he’d left the box.

“Nate, where’d these come from?” Lyla asks as she walks over to the box.

“Oh, I, uh, just had a friend who does marketing here and forgot she had them for me.”

“Oh, these beads are so fun!” Tilly says, grabbing something from the box. “Here’s one for you, Betty, and, Millie, you need one, too.”

I turn to find Grandma Tilly and Nana Betty wearing anal beads around their necks. They are of course our team colors. Everyone turns and Millie doubles over in laughter, unable to control herself.

“Oh my god! Get those things off! You two don’t have a clue, do you?” she cries out in between laughter. Everyone in the box turns to see what Millie is talking about just as a camera focuses on us. Grandma Tilly and Nana Betty start jumping up and down and smiling for the camera and the crowd goes wild.

“Oh god. Grandma, Nana—stop—those are anal beads!” Kylie says in a hushed voice that I can barely hear above the roar of the crowd.

I see Lanie lean into Grandma Tilly’s ear and whisper something. The look on her face is a mix of complete mortification and also complete interest in her new toy.

Her lips mouth, “really?”

Lanie nods as Tilly whispers into Nana Betty’s ear. Now, Nana Betty reacts but with total shock and disgust, she whips the beads off, and they go flying, knocking Di in the head who slips and falls back into Nate.

“Are you insane?” she yelps.

Nate shrugs. “Sorry, I…that’s not the box I thought it was.”

“Damn right it’s not. What else you got there, Nate?” Gran Millie asks as she starts rooting through the contents.

“Millie, we’re in the middle of the most intense game ever, get your pornographic mind out of the gutter and sit down!” Nana Betty calls out as she plops into the seat next to PopPop Bob, who is doing the best he can to contain his laughter. Even Mr. and Mrs. Moore are holding their hands over their mouths.

“Millie? Grab us some of those,” Roger calls out, and everyone loses it. Everyone is bent over in complete hysterics. I’m wiping tears from my eyes as Ward comes up to bat.

“Shhhh. Ward,” I manage as everyone wipes their eyes and looks back to the game.

I glance over at Lyla who’s slapping Nate on the back of the head, but his focus is all on his boyfriend, Ward, who has just walked up to home plate.

Everyone quiets down in our box and we watch with bated breath as Ward settles over the plate. I swear none of us move or breathe.

The opposing team’s pitcher makes the slightest nod and releases a fastball. Ward whips the bat through the air and a cracking sound echoes through the stadium as he takes off toward first base, the two halves of the bat resting on the ground. The ball flies out into the stands and the crowd cheers as Ward slows his run around the bases. He’s greeted with hugs from his teammates as he hits home plate.

Everyone in our box gives each other high fives as though we just hit a run with a broken bat.

“Eggs for everyone!” Nate calls out as he tosses a bunch of vibrating eggs at people.

“Nathan!” Gran Millie says on a laugh. Everyone freezes until she adds, “Make sure I get one.”

Nate grins. And we all erupt into laughter.

Kent

Ace Kempler is up to bat. He’s a young guy, who is a hard worker. I’ve seen him put his time in, and I’m happy he’s gotten a place on the top of our roster this season.

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