Page 128 of Five for Silver

“Punish you?” Romeo breathed. He opened his eyes.“I’m not—”

“You’re angry—”

“Notatyou, Chad. I’m angry at myself, atVincent, at Lucy, and I can’t do anything about them. They’re dead.But me…”

“You can only punish yourself by punishing me.”

“What?”

“When you saw me in the doorway just then, did youreally want to look at the floor instead of at me? Did you reallywant to push me away instead of taking my hand? Did you really wantto distance yourself from me by moving up the bed.”

“Rather than protect you from it, I pushed youdeeper into his game. I thought we could outwit him, I thought wecould prove he didn’t kill Harriet.”

“And you were right, he didn’t—”

“But at what cost? I’ve taken something from youthat I can’t give back.”

“I don’t want it back! I choose you, Romeo Knight.”Chad scrunched his fingers into Romeo’s t-shirt. “And I don’t blameyou for anything that happened. It’s only because of you I’m stillhere right now, and not bagged and tagged in some morgue.”

“Don’t—”

“You didn’t hurt me—but you are hurting me now.This,” he ran his gaze up and down Romeo, “you’re holding yourselfback from me. It hurts.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you—I’m just angry atmyself, at the situation, and I’ve got no idea how to make thisright.”

“The next few days, weeks, months,” Chad shook hishead, “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but it’s going to bebad. You can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Close yourself off from me. Pull away. Leave me onmy own. I need you, Romeo, if I’m going to survive this, Ineedyou.”

“Survive… What do you mean survive?”

“It was just—”

“You’re not allowed to die,” Romeo growled softly.His eyes darkened, and his hands flew to Chad’s thighs. He grippedhard enough to bruise, but Chad sighed in relief that Romeo wasfinally touching him, no matter how rough. “Promise me.”

“Promise you what?” Chad asked.

“You won’t die. I couldn’t bear it.”

Chad shook his head. “Everyone has to die.”

Romeo sat up, flinging Chad back. Strong arms caughthim before he hit the mattress. Romeo pulled him in, pinning Chadto his chest. “Not for a long, long time,” he said close to Chad’slips. “And it’s together. We die together.”

Chad leaned in to kiss Romeo’s mouth.

Romeo moved away. “Promise me when the time comes,it’ll be together?”

“I promise,” Chad said, “And you … you need topromise me something to.”

“What?”

“Promise you’ll stop holding back. Stop …this, because you are not distant, you are not cold to me,you don’t turn from my kiss, or shuffle up the bed to get away fromme. You said you are not sure whether you can trust that other partwith me yet, but what about this part, what aboutRomeo,because it’s not the monster that’s hurting me right now, it’s nothim that’s scaring me, it’s you.”

Romeo’s arms coiled around Chad, holding him on hislap. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. His eyebrows dipped and twitched.“Just … tell me what you need and I’ll do it.”

“I need you to tell me you love me. I need you totell me everything is going to be okay and to believe it yourself.For you to be happy that I chose us, like I always said Iwould.”

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