Page 26 of King of Clubs

“Fuck off, Cooper.” My words oozed with a shocking level of possession. The wall was down. There was no hiding. I didn’t care enough about anyone who wasn’t family to defend them and he of all people would know that.

His laugh was loud this time as he again wheezed through his words.

“Never thought I would see the day. I need to meet this woman who has kept you away from boxingandstayed at your place. Two firsts in the Micallef house.”

He knew how to ensnare me with his jovial bait every time and I needed to end the conversation before I told him too much.

“Anything else, Coop, I need to finish training and get to the club.” Anything to get my mind away from somewhere it had no business being or accidentally telling him who she was.

“I’m coming in tonight, brother, have a new single malt for you to try and need to hear more about the bird you’re hooking me up with.” I hung up to the sound of his laughter before I said something I would regret, but I was still smirking. Infuriating bastard.

I wouldn’t be the man I was today if it weren’t for his unwavering generosity and backing. Despite the fact that leaving home at seventeen was ridiculously difficult, I had Cooper to thank for the support he gave me both with a room and a less than friendly reminder that the ticket to success was something we each had the power to grasp if we were hungry enough.

Living with him gave me a free place to crash while I could work behind bars at night, saving enough to get a place of my own. I’d had some amazing mentors in those early years and working for Heath afforded plenty of opportunities to learn. He and his team taught me everything they knew and anything they didn’t, I researched, observed and sought out, hungry for knowledge. My commitment paid off in longer hours, more responsibilities when on shift and eventually, when he was ready to sell, having witnessed my passion and potential, he handed me the place for an absolute bargain. I paid off the loan in the first year alone and I was able to get myself my own apartment shortly after. I wanted to move Mum and Evangeline out of their tiny two-bedroom place next, but Judy Micallef was a stubborn woman. She said she didn’t need anything big or flashy because she was happy, and if she left her quaint neighbourhood, she would miss her friends.

I knew Eva would leave Moorway as soon as she'd finished her degree, but she stayed to keep Mum company while she could. When she did come to visit I loved having my little sister around. She enjoyed baking, which meant there were always different sugary treats, she respected my space with minimal mockery and she was smart as shit with a freakish affinity for numbers. She would come into Nexus and spend hours perusing the books, music blaring through her gigantic headphones and a peppermint tea on the desk. I wasn’t allowed to disturb her or risk physical pain but when she left, they were always a billion times more organised and the office smelt like mint. Both of which made me smile. The silent assassin – that was my sister.

When Dad left, I became the man of the house. It wasn’t something I wanted, but was a responsibility I took seriously. Mum ensured we were fed and loved, but Eva gravitated towards me in every other way and often slept on the floor of my room as she was too scared to be alone. Mum was her go to for scraped knees, baking and anything related to boys but otherwise, it was me. Me who answered the inundation of questions each day about anything and everything. Me who played Connect Four and Uno with her when she couldn’t sleep. Me who fixed her bike tyres when she got a puncture or took her to the park before we went for ice-cream. And me who eventually taught her how to drive and helped with her university applications.

For so long it was just her and I, getting up to mischief while Mum was busy working or taking care of the house – that was until I met Cooper and he adopted us and we him. My circle had always felt complete with the two of them. There was no need for anyone or anything else because what we had worked. I'd never wanted anyone or anything more. But that conviction no longer felt so concrete with memories of brown hair and soft skin sleeping in my bed making me think that maybe Iwasmissing something.

With another round of punches I realised I was officially fucked and whether I liked it or not, my circle was expanding regardless of what I thought I needed.

Marlee

Chapter Ten

In an attempt to chase the last remnants of light from the setting sun, I relocated to the perfect spot where the final rays were still glistening. My skin tingled from the warmth only the sun can bring and I basked in its medicinal power. It wouldn’t be long before it dipped below the buildings and we would be met with another cool evening in Sydney.

I wished I could stay here forever, tucked away in the confines of a secure apartment, but for so many reasons that wasn’t an option. One of which was not needing to know how often my bestie and her man shook the sheets. I was already feeling down on my luck, and the constant reminder of my loneliness wasn't helping. Not to mention how it only elicited images of the villainous, seductive face who had haunted my thoughts over the few past weeks.

Sebastian.

The man was either a hitman or an angel – I couldn’t decide with those defined cheekbones and befuddling demeanour. If I considered everything I knew so far he really could align with either category and I wasn’t sure which I would find more intriguing. He was a man of principle who did whatever he needed for his friends – or friends of friends apparently – and he was focused and disciplined if that body was anything to go by. But, he was also terrifyingly serious with a carefully selected mask. I assumed he chose to use it as a shield because there were times when his eyes depicted nothing but kindness.

Today however, was not a day for focusing on whatever the heck was happening there or whether he was an undercover unaliver. I wasn’t going to fixate on what I didn’t have or what I was desperate to gain, because today was an amazing day. Today was the start of what I hoped would be many more triumphs in the trajectory which would see Marlee winning at life.

I revelled in the sense of accomplishment as I reached for my notebook, ticking items off my dailyTo Dolist. I ignored the fact that one of those tasks was something I did last night because adding it felt like I was setting myself up for victory even before the day began. The satisfaction of writing something only to immediately tick it off was a sure way to gain cheap thrills and I was here for that mentality. Success was nothing if not a healthy mindset.

Leaving the apartment everyday was already a monumental achievement – and one which felt even more meaningful after what happened at Nexus a few short weeks ago. For a couple of days it had been a slight setback, even avoiding a simple cafe lunch with Arns a few days after because the thought of seeing either Lori or Lucas continued to weigh me down. But, today when I woke up, I decided I wasn’t going to let that tether me to the confines of this place any longer – regardless of the beauty of the cityscape descending over the balcony or the security it afforded. It was a safety net I would never take for granted but I needed to embrace my independence and build back the strength which I used to admire within myself.

Leaving my past life was the hardest thing I would ever tick of myTo-Dolist, and it took me three days to garner the nerve to even write it down let alone mark it as completed.

The weeks prior were heavy with terror. Missed opportunities, narrow escapes, near panic-attacks and some Oscar worthy acting followed before my day of salvation came on a soggy Tuesday afternoon. The rain had pelted against the front window all day, another hurdle between the outside world and the daily grind of horrors inside – which felt ubiquitous even on the better days. No matter how many times I cleaned that darn house, it was tainted, only adding to my sickening obsession with keeping what I could manage organised.

The vicious slurs, the resulting tears and the tatters of my self-confidence all became specks of muck ingrained in the walls and floors, marking the house I thought would be my forever home with contempt and hate.

That particular day, like the twenty-six mornings prior, I traced the top line of my sticky note with my pointer finger, writing in invisible ink the one task I hoped above all else I could achieve.

LEAVE.

I would be lying to myself if I said I believed each of those days would see the fruition of the plan. But on that final dreary day, I did it. Against all odds, I left him.

Some days before I escaped, on the darkest of mornings, long before the sun had risen and my pillow was still wet from the tears of the night before, the prospect of leaving would bring thoughts of what opportunities my future could hold. Opportunities for a new life where I was once again happy. Free to make my own decisions. Free to go to work. To enjoy the small things I once took for granted like a drink at a bar or a coffee at a cafe. But, as quick as they’d come, they were gone, wiped clean like a backspace on a keyboard when the sun rose and groundhog day started yet again.

What I didn’t know then was that it was abuse.

As loud and clear as it comes.

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