Page 55 of King of Clubs

My cheeks warmed at my own intrusive thoughts, and I pressed my lips together, glad Suzie was looking at her notepad.

She took notes occasionally, but at this point in our time together, she mostly listened and asked questions where she felt I needed to self-reflect further. I guess now was one of those times as her pen tapped the paper in her lap.

“Why did you go back?”

I assumed she wanted me to delve through the mess that had been my emotional journey over the last few years as having a new relationship was clearly a step in the right direction. And I wanted to tell her how much better I felt when I was with him. How he made me believe I could move on from my past scars. How in a short amount of time he made me realise control didn’t always need to be a negative thing. But all I could think about was the feel of his mouth on mine, the smell of his skin, the taste of his lips and the utter ecstasy when he was inside me.

I went back forhim.

Not because I was sick of being lonely or needed a distraction, but because I wanted to be with him. The intention had not been to throw myself at him like a sex-deprived fiend as soon as he opened the door, but when he was standing there with his wet hair and bare chest, something snapped, and I lost all remnants of self-control.

“I like him, I guess,” I shrugged again, the dysphemism intentional. I wasn’t ready to admit to myself just how much, let alone another person.

“I know we have only recently met and I’m still navigating the idea of being with someone else, but I think I’m willing to try. With him. I have zero idea if he is even interested in anything serious, so I say all of this with no consideration for what he wants.” I laughed again but the humour wasn’t there. What if this was just alet’s blow off some steamkind of arrangement for him and here I was unpacking the idea of a full blown relationship with my therapist. The uncertainty and the unknown were terrifying especially when I had a history of misreading people. I rubbed my chest, the thought alone giving me a nervous indigestion.

Looking at the plant next to her desk, I admired the intricate greens of the leaves as I gave her a filtered version of our dinner and how I felt coming home to an empty apartment, leading to my decision to return to his place. I intentionally skipped the moreintimate detailsand detoured to him making me breakfast and driving me to this appointment. She smiled. A bigger smile than I’d seen from her and placed the pen she was holding in her lap.

“I’m proud of you. He sounds like he is treating you well,” I sagged at her admission, overwhelmed at her praise. She was a great investment, and I was very aware her assistance and support were part of the reason I felt ready to move forward. Other than feeling extremely tired due to the small amount of sleep I had last night, unpacking my emotions always left me drained.

“Thank you. It appears I can finally say I’m feeling like my old self again,” I smiled, leaning down to grab my water bottle.

Suzie smiled knowingly.

“I agree. Keep putting yourself first, Marlee. It suits you.”

Walking out of the building I turned on a playlist and headed down the city street. It was early afternoon, and I felt refreshed, both mentally and physically. Spotting a cafe across the street, I decided a coffee and a quick walk would be the perfect accompaniment to what had been an amazing day thus far. Frankly, a double orgasm at the hands of the deliciously thorough Sebastian was how I wanted to start everyday moving forward. Anything else would be a disappointment really.

The streets were busy and the restaurants I passed were filled with people dressed in their business attire, dining customers and discussing contracts. A large group of women sitting at a table outside the cafe, each with a highchair or pram caught my eye. All of them doing their best to entertain or feed a child while simultaneously having their own drink or conversation. It looked exasperating and I smiled sympathetically at what I'm sure was a beautifully exhausting outing.

Entering, I glanced up at the menu board and awaited the cashier before placing my order. The cafe was equally as busy inside and I watched the staff behind the counter milling around while the barista made my coffee. Loud music accompanied the sounds of conversations and even with my earphones in it was noisy. Pausing my playlist to ensure I didn’t miss my name; I froze when the waitress called the next order for collection.

“Lucas?” Pins and needles pricked across my cheeks as a man walked over and grabbed his coffee. A long black with two sugars if my memory served me correctly. He was much thinner than I remembered, his jeans faded and hanging loosely on his frame. He wore a hat pulled down low across his face, but it didn’t matter. I would have known it was him even if he wore a mask. I knew the way he walked; I knew the sound of his footsteps along both carpet and tiles. I knew what his voice sounded like when he was screaming or whispering with fury, so even if his name wasn’t just called, I would have known it was him.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I kept my eyes on the menu board, willing myself not to scream, run or spiral into a panic attack. Anything that would draw unwanted attention to myself.

Coffee and cake of the day – $9

Ham and cheese croissant – $6

I read the same words over and over despite my brain refusing to process anything other than the way he collected his cup, lifted the lid and took a sip. I knew he would be making sure they put his sugar in and if they forgot, good luck to them.

Satisfied, he nodded and turned, and for the briefest second I thought he was going to walk right back out without noticing me. But my luck for the day had run out and in my peripheral vision, I saw the second his body went rigid, the instant he recognised me and made the decision to approach.

“Marlee?” His voice sent a wave of nausea through me and suddenly I was back in the kitchen while he screamed at me, his hand tight around my wrist with a malicious gleam in his eye. Not even remotely similar to the way Sebastian tenderly confined me last night with adoration and lust.

“Coffee for Marlee?” The waitress calling my order yanked me back to the present and I shook my head briefly, knowing I needed to hold my shit together and get the hell out of here. I was not the woman in the kitchen anymore and I never would be again.

“Excuse me,” I said, stepping around him as I pointed at my coffee.

Thanking the waitress, I turned around and he stepped towards me, his head hung low, his voice quiet.

“Marls, please, can we talk?”

“I’m sorry, I really have to go,” I couldn’t do this, not now. Today was a good day. A great day and I wasn’t going to let him ruin it for me.

How did he even know I was here? Was he following me?

“Marlee, please,” he reached for my hand, and I flinched, taking a small step back.

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