Page 60 of King of Clubs

When I pushed the door to his office open he was sitting at his desk with his head lowered into his hands.

He looked tired. Sad even, and my heart ached. He wore the same crisp white shirt he did each time I saw him working, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, yet his shoulders were hunched, a clear contrast to the confident man I was used to seeing when it was only the two of us.

“Hey,” I greeted quietly, noting his look of surprise before his face broke into a relieved smile. He was in front of me as if moving on instinct, his lips pressed to mine. He hadn’t uttered a single word before kissing me and I melted into him, realising just how much I'd missed him in the few days since we’d last seen each other.

Arna simply smirked when I said I was coming here after our mammoth day of shopping. I was exhausted and certain I looked a hot mess in my jeans, flats and linen top with hair thrown into a bun, but I'd wanted to see him so that wasn’t going to stop me.

Breaking the kiss he kept his forehead on mine in what was the single most romantic gesture I had ever experienced.

“Hi,” he breathed. “I missed you,” his hands framed my face, his eyes not leaving mine. “I didn’t realise you were coming in tonight.”

“I missed you too. I wanted to see you but I won’t stay long if you’re busy. We only just finished shopping, I had Arna drop me here, hence why I look like I’ve been dragged through a trash chute. I would have called but my phone died.”

He kissed me again tenderly, and for a minute I forgot we were in his office, I forgot about the woman who had just left, I forgot about how a small part of me worried he wouldn’t be happy when I arrived unannounced. His kiss lit a blaze in the depths of my soul and made me dizzy, eradicating all other thoughts. His tongue fought with my own as a soft groan moved through him, eliciting a moan of my own in response.

“You came here to see me?” It was adorable how his words held an edge of fallibility. I’d never seen Sebastian unfortified, yet to my surprise, he seemed uncertain. I thought that it was him who was giving me the strength to be more courageous, brazen and bold. Yet, it appeared this was new for him too and we were two blind ships in the same sea.

“I really did miss you and I was hoping I could come over tonight. Maybe stay the night? You do make my mornings exceptionally better,” I flirted and again his mouth took mine, this time much more aggressively as he tugged on my hair and pressed his arousal into me.

“You know you don’t need to ask. I’ve actually been waiting each night, hoping for another knock on the door,” he raised one eyebrow mischievously, “In fact, I think I’m done here.” He pulled away, planting three kisses in quick succession on my lips.

“So eager,” I answered coyly.

“It’s been three days, babe, we have a lot of catching up to do. So let’s leave. Now.”

There was nothing I wanted more than that, however, thoughts of the woman leaving his office snuck back into my mind as he kissed me again. Suddenly I was distracted, wondering if maybe I was only seeing what I wanted to see, making excuses to cover what was right in front of me. I needed to ask him, but I was worried he would find me too much or I would scare him off. Seeing Lucas the other day had rattled me, causing my old feelings of self-doubt to show their nasty face. Sensing my hesitation he broke the kiss.

“What’s wrong?”

Now I was going to have to ask and risk him losing his temper or even worse, finding out he didn’t think this was as serious as I thought it was. She was probably at the bar laughing to herself at my surprise at seeing her, a pathetic second best.

My breathing increased at the anticipation of a conversation I didn’t want to have but absolutely needed and I could feel the beginnings of a spiral. I hadn’t had one in months, I was getting better at working through the cause before they took over, but seeing Lucas and now feeling doubt about him, and us, was too much.

The sounds of the club became muted as faint vibrations coursed under my skin like static electricity fighting for escape.

Not now. Not now. Not now.

Closing my eyes, I gasped lungfuls of air and counted backwards from ten but it wasn’t enough. The air around me thickened, surrounded by an invisible force I couldn’t evade as I fought for control.

“Breathe, Marlee.” A comforting command.

“I’m here with you.” A protective reassurance.

“Open your eyes, babe, please.” A heartfelt plea.

His voice echoed through me, close and consistent.

“Focus on my breathing, Marlee, just like that,” he repeated and I dug through the wave of entrapment, honing in on the steady, unyielding hum of his reassurance.

“I’m here,” I reached for his voice, desperately trying to find the surface.

“Open your eyes, I’ve got you,” slowly I weaved forward, focusing on the warmth of his hands pressed firmly on the small of my back. His subtle breathing in my ear was like the turning of pages, the baritone notes of his voice soothing.

His patience was a sedative and when I opened my eyes, he was everywhere. He still held one hand on my lower back, the other on the back of my head and his face inches from mine. His gorgeous hazels, boring into me as he whispered my name over and over.

“I’ve got you,” he assured softly, a contrast to his firm grip, proving his stability and kindness. His care for me was a complete contrast to what I was used to from the only other man I had given my heart to and in that moment I knew that I had the strength to let go of my past because a future was possible. A future which hopefully included this man beside me.

If things were going to work, I needed to be honest without fear and that meant communicating openly.

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