Page 84 of King of Clubs

Why I needed control at all.

Taking a deep breath I dropped the walls and brought her into my circle.

“I was really young when my father left, but I do remember him. I tell my mum I don’t but that's only because it’s easier than reflecting on the days he was around. The days when we went to the park, or the hours of fun we spent burying him in the sand at the beach. I looked up to him and he was always there, so I didn’t understand why he left. Why he didn’t love us enough to stay. Mum loves a good photo so there are albums full of pictures of us together but I prefer not to look at them. No good can come from mourning over someone who didn't want us.” Taking a deep breath, I expelled those thoughts, the darkness of the night helping, easily pulling free things I'd never spoken aloud.

“I had no control in him leaving but it left me with responsibilities I never should have had. I became the man of the house when I was still a boy and I felt responsible for Mum and Eva even at such a young age. Mum was so sad. She cried all the time, spent a heap of time in her room, I guess overwhelmed with her own grief and I did my best to keep Eva distracted so she wouldn't hear Mum sobbing.

“And Eva asked so many questions. Seriously, you’ve never met anyone who asks as many questions as she does,” I huffed a laugh at my sister’s relentless curiosity. “I just didn’t have the answers. I didn't even realise at the time how much it impacted me. I never wanted to make any friends, knowing they could leave at any time, and other than Cooper, I went most of my life without letting anyone get close enough because when you don’t care, no one can hurt you.

“I was like that for years. Even now letting people in is hard but I work on being better every day. And then I met you. You with those mesmerising green eyes and kind heart. And suddenly I could think of nothing else. Only you. Always you.WhenI would be able to see you again.HowI could see you again. I was thinking about you more than anything else and it was so surreal. Without even trying, you buried yourself in the depths of my bloodstream until I felt as though I couldn’t function without you. Wayne says I’m obsessed – but in the best of ways,” I said with a wry smile, glad to share this with her but also not wanting to freak her out.

“When I knew something was upsetting you and you wouldn’t tell me, I didn’t know how to cope. I’m used to being organised, getting my own way, keeping stringent practices, so I did things the only way I knew how. I realise now that I should have told you and for that I'm sorry. Truly.” She rolled over to face me and her eyes searched mine as she leant up and softly kissed me, accepting and comforting me in equal measure.

“I’m a mess, Seb. I think at this point I've told you that hundreds of times. But, it's true. I’ve only had a relationship with one other man and he treated me like trash. Until yesterday, I was living week to week and only because Arna and Andy gave me a place to stay. I see a therapist once a month and come with so much baggage that I should just push a trolley around with me. We are all kind of fucked up in our way.” I stroked the side of her face and she smiled softly before continuing.

“I think its about finding someone who is equally as fucked up and making sure you can work together in this messy thing we call life. And honestly, I’m low-key addicted to you too.”

I smiled, kissing her on the tip of her nose. I wanted to tell her I found that in her, that she was one of the very few people who Iloved. But she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and snuggling into my neck. For now, I was content with having her in my arms and knowing she accepted me for all that I was.

I’m low-key addicted to you too, the best thing I’d ever heard.

Marlee

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Gabriel, quick, now,” I screamed as Marco came up behind her ready to steal the win for the boys. She shrieked and threw the basketball as hard as she could but her little arms just weren’t strong enough. Marco easily scooped the ball, raced to the other net and scored, throwing his hands in the air and running around the courts. At eleven, subtlety was not his finest quality.

“Ohhh, Marleeeee, I tried," Gabriel whined and I lifted her into the air, engulfing her in a hug as I laughed.

“Those stinky boys got us again, Gab. But Marco is one whole year older than you and Brad over there has about twenty years on me," I said loudly, lowering her to the ground.

“Only as old as you feel, Marlee. Winners make lunch." Brad said as he high fived Marco and gestured for him to head inside.

Twirling her deep brown ponytail around my fingers, Gab and I followed.

I could hear Brad bellowing for the rest of them to jump up and help prepare the fresh salads and cold cuts ready for the rolls Sofi had backed earlier and my stomach growled at the thought.

“How old is Brad?” Gab asked, her sweet singsong voice as adorable as ever.

“About seventy, I think,” I replied as we walked into the kitchen to grab a cup of water.

“Don’t listen to her Gabs. I don’t feel a day over twenty one.”

“He’s fifty three,” I whispered to her.

“You are,” she paused, using her fingers to count, “like forty-four years older than me. That is soooo old.” I laughed at the innocence of childhood as Brad hid his smiling face in the fridge. He was a good man and when I left the centre last year I was devastated to not only say goodbye to the kids, but to him as well. He dedicated his life to this place and between him and his wife Sofi, these children would always have an adult in their corner for as long as they needed.

“That is definitely old, isn’t it Gabs?” Sofi said as she came into the kitchen carrying her freshly baked rolls. “But, he is just as fit as he was when I met him thirty years ago,” she said with a subtle wink in my direction.

“I think I can hear the table calling me to clean it,” I said with a laugh, as Brad swatted her on the backside. They often reminded me of my parents and at times I found that difficult to be around. They’d always been really good to me though and when I returned only a couple of months ago, Sofi held onto me for a solid ten minutes, repeating how she was never letting me leave ever again. That feeling was mutual. Being here never felt like work – something I wasn’t sure everyone could say in their jobs.

“So, Marls, how’s your new man?” Sofi asked nonchalantly.

“What are you talking about?” I shrugged, a laugh bubbling up my throat when I saw the incredulous look on her face. I hadn’t mentioned Seb to Brad or Sofi, not wanting to tempt my luck at having found someone so amazing, and I was genuinely surprised at the question.

“Oh, sweetie. I know I wear glasses, but I’m not blind. Even if I hadn’t noticed the sunshine back in those gorgeous eyes of yours, I definitely would have taken note of that hunk of a man who has been picking you up,” she wiggled her eyebrows and I laughed.

“You talking about me again, woman?” Brad’s voice boomed as he appeared with plates of food.

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