Page 14 of King of Jokers

His tone softened when he next spoke causing me to give him my undivided attention, fidget-toast forgotten. “But I won’t do anything to risk what we have. You mean too much to me and I’m not sure I could live with myself if I did something to ruin our friendship. I just can’t, Win,” he paused, appearing uncertain. “Which means, we need a safe word. If I overstep, you use it.”

“A safe word? Christ. Why would we need a safe word?” I was genuinely baffled. “I’ve never even come close to doing anything which could possibly require a safe word. I mean, maybe I could get onboard with a little spanking but I’m not sure I’m your whips and chains kind of gal.” I added with candid honesty.

Jack’s husky laughter immediately parked the trajectory my thoughts were taking.

“You’ve been dabbling into your dark romance again, haven’t you?” His chair was loud against the floorboards as he stood and walked over to stand next to me.

I lifted my head to meet his gaze, my usual wit or quick retort uncharacteristically lost when I met his dark eyes.

“If this is going to work, we need to make sure we are on the same page at all times. And if we aren’t, we use the safe word. That doesn’t mean I will be spanking you though, unless you want me to.” He said with a wink, again chuckling, and I felt my cheeks flush crimson.

Would I want that?

I was asking for anticipation and lust not thered roomof pain. Maybe I wasn’t equipped for all he had to offer. I’d definitely portrayed a false confidence over the years, perhaps alluding to a far more active social life to compensate for what I was certain he was doing in his free time. But the truth was Iwasthe icicle everyone claimed me to be and no matter how many times I tried to defrost myself enough to enjoy someone different, I couldn’t.

I wasn’t totally naïve though. Just inexperienced.

“Fine. What about infinity?”

“Done. Now what are your rules?”

I sat up straighter. This was the part I could manage because I’d spent hours after I finished a hefty chunk of writing, deliberating and knew exactly how it needed to work.

“One,” I said, raising my finger into the air, “You are here for a break and I’ve missed you so much. I want our days to be as they were going to be. I want to spend time with myfriend. If I’m constantly anticipating you about to do something, I won’t be able to enjoy our time together and I don’t get enough of you as it is. So night time is forinspirationbut our days are normal. Two,“ I added another finger to the one already pointed upwards, “I’m not asking for you to just strip me naked and F-U-C-K me. It doesn’t even need to be S-E-X. I mean, whatever happens happens, right? I’m just saying there are no parameters or expectations, you know?” I chewed the inside of my cheek at the way his pupils dilated over my final statement. It appeared this affected him as much as it did me.

“Anything else?” He asked after clearing his throat.

“Right. Yes. Three — no weird feelings. We love each other already so that’s obvious but if either of us feel anything else, anything new, we need to be honest because it will get messy. And messy is never something I want with you.”

Reaching for the jam he smeared some on his thumb before swiping it across my bottom lip. The pad of his thumb easily moved across my mouth as the rest of his hand cupped my chin. “Maybe messy is exactly what you need.” He’d moved in close, his breath a whisper on my skin.

When his throat bobbed, I sucked in a breath.

Suddenly, I was acutely aware of Jack Grant and what this was going to entail.

“And you’re sure? Like really sure, because I don’t want things to get awkward.” There was no hiding the way my chest was visibly rising and falling, from his touch or proximity – I couldn’t be sure.

“What could be awkward about doing things to you that I’ve only ever dreamed of?” The pulse in my neck started pounding, his words like warm syrup and I shivered. “Shit, this is going to be so fun.” He said, snapping me out of wherever the heck my mind had gone and back to a man who was clearly incredibly proud of himself for my blatant reaction.

“You can do the dishes. I’m going for a shower.” I said, needing some space before I scrapped my earlier assertions and begged for something I should not be begging for.

“Whatever you need, Win.” The boastful tease was clear in his words.

Maybe he wastoogood at this, I pondered as I raced upstairs in need of a cold shower, my body suddenly far too warm.

“It hasn’t changed, has it?” Jack said, his arm resting on the open window of my car as we headed for the store.

“The Bay? Never. You know how touchy people are around here. They despisechangemore than anything.” The sensation of the warm air was playful as my hand rolled through the wind, riding the invisible currents as I drove. I was also one of those people who hated change and it was partially why I never left. I was terrified of the unknown but he was fated for bigger things and always had been.

“Do you miss it when you’re away?”

“Sometimes. During the season not as much because I don’t actually get a lot of down time. But when we have a bye and most of the boys head home for the weekend…” He paused, watching the ocean as we skated down the adjacent road into town. It was only a fifteen minute drive from home and the view was beautiful, probably even more so when you didn’t see it everyday.

“It gets lonely sometimes, I suppose.”

I moved over to let another car pass.

“You know you can go just a little faster,” he said with a smile.

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