Page 28 of Married to the Alien Mountain Man

Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson:Poor guy’s been pining.

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois:So even if it’s only for a couple of weeks, he is probably thanking his lucky stars. I bet his eyes are glowing white non-freaking-stop right now. Selflessly volunteered, my ass.

Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya:His eyes are very bright, I’ll give you that. But I do hope he gets something out of this situation, too. I want to try to help him get ready for his next wife.

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois:HAHAHAHA THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!!

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois:ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE HIM HUSBAND LESSONS?????

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois:SEND ME A COPY OF HIS REPORT CARD, I BEG OF YOU.

Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson:Jesus, Darcy, you’re going to scare her!

Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya:That’s OK. I don’t scare easy.

Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson:Oh, good! That will come in handy when you’re confronted with the infamous dicktacle.

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois:Cherry nooooooooo. NO DICKTACLES. You must use the PROPER TERMINOLOGY. SEE THE GROUP CHAT NAME!!!

Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya:What is happening…

Incoming Tablet Communication Magnolia Jones:Tasha, it’s probably time that you forwarded your notes on Zabrian males to Jaya.

Incoming Tablet Communication Tasha Wallace:I agree, Magnolia.

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois:Not that anyone asked, butI’ll send what I have, too!

Incoming Tablet Communication Tasha Wallace:Document loading

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois:Image loading

* * *

I didn’t geta chance to open Tasha’s document, because my screen was suddenly filled with an image. What that image was supposed to be, I had no idea. It looked like a sketch of a… hot dog? With a wiggly bit of string stuck on the bottom? But there was also a lumpy-looking circle under everything that I really could not make sense of. For some reason, the longer I looked at it, the more I became convinced that Darcy had sent me a drawing of some kind of balloon animal. Which, considering the vibes she’d given me in the group chat, felt like it might have been weirdly on brand for her.

Unfortunately, Magnolia had gone back to her place with Killian right after adding me to the group chat. So I couldn’t ask her if I was being pranked, or if this mysterious hot dog ballon on a string was actually supposed to be something helpful.

I minimized the image, ignoring it for now, and opened Tasha’s document.

But there wasn’t much more to go on here, either. There were only a few sentences in her notes so far.

Zabrian ears are extremely sensitive, both to tactile stimulation and when it comes to capturing sound. Image attached.

I scrolled down, finding a photograph of a pair of round, pale purple ears perched atop a white-haired head. Warden Tenn’s, no doubt. I scrolled back up to the text.

Differences in human and Zabrian anatomy are few, but significant. Zabrian females, for example, do not have breasts. The Zabrian Genital Situation is top of mind for all the brides here, many having expressed shock and confusion at the appearance of the cock tail. Without sufficient preparation, injury to the cock tail is not only possible during sexual encounters, but very likely.

Again with the cock tail thing! What the hell did it mean? I dragged my finger violently across my comms tablet’s screen, but no matter how far I scrolled, there was no educational image attached for this note the way there had been with the ears.

Sighing, I went back to the text and scanned the last line.

Zabrian eyes glow bright white when the Zabrian in question is experiencing strong emotion. This can include, but is not limited to, pain, shock, anger, grief, affection, or –

My eyes snagged on the final word, my stomach going tight.

- arousal.

No Zabrian actually has white eyes,Magnolia had said.

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