Page 18 of Crave

“Watch your mouth, Lucas. For the record, it was my party, and I say he didn’t ruin a damn thing.”

“You’ve got to be kidding, Mother.” I hear the exasperation in Troy’s voice. “Maybe you might want to remember Jake is not your only son. What about me? You treat me like I don’t matter to you.”

“Troy, that’s not true. I don’t agree with what you did, and I’m not going to pretend with you or Tracy. Had the shoe been on the other foot, I’d feel the same way. There are over a billion women walking around on this planet, Troy. You didn’t need to go behind your brother’s back and take his. Your wife is pregnant now. What if she has another boy and history repeats itself with them in twenty years? How would you feel then?”

The room is silenced by our mother’s question. I wait for Troy to respond and try to justify himself, but he doesn’t. I wait for Luke to make a disparaging remark about me, but he also remains mute.

“Look, boys, he feels how he feels. I can’t tell him to turn his feelings off. Luke, I know you and Troy are close, but I don’t understand why you’re so angry and hurtful towards Jake. He loves you. And please don’t bring up Christmas again. If anyone’s responsible for that, it’s me. I’m the one who pressured him into coming. I should have realized he wasn’t ready for that.”

“Are you serious, Mother?” I guess Luke found his voice again. “You taught me to be accountable for my actions when I was a toddler, but the thirty year old gets a pass? No. How about, he ruined Christmas because no one in this family holds him accountable for anything? I can be angry at your precious Jake because he’s the one who holds this family hostage.”

I hear a deep sigh, footsteps and the fridge opening and closing.

“Luke,” Troy begins, “I don’t need you to take sides, okay. This is between me and Jake. You don’t need to get in the middle.”

“Troy, you need somebody in this family on your side.”

“There are no sides, Luke. I hurt our brother. I own that. That’s on me, not you. You don’t have to fight any battles for me. You can be close to us both.”

The room goes silent again. I hear a deep, exaggerated sigh.

“Fine, but can you tell him to stop acting like an asshole, Mom?” Luke asks.

I decide it’s time to make my presence known.

“Evening, Mother and Luke,” I deliberately leave out Troy. “Are you two done tattling on me to Mommy?”

Mom’s face lights up when she sees me, and she runs into my arms. I hug her tight before placing a kiss on her cheek. I offer her the purple orchid, and she accepts it as if it’s the Hope diamond.

“How beautiful. Thank you, sweetheart.” She gets on her tippy toes and kisses my cheek.

“My way of apologizing for last night.” She nods as she takes my offering.

Luke looks on in disbelief and throws his hands up in frustration. Troy stands there with both hands on his hips.

“You have something you want to say to me, Luke? What about you, Troy? I’m standing right here.”

To his credit, Luke walks over to me and looks me in the eye. “Yeah. You’re an asshole.”

“You sound like a broken record. Anything else?” I wave him off, walk to the fridge, and grab a bottle of water. “Troy? You both had plenty to say just now.”

“I’m done, Jake,” Troy says from across the room, clearly exasperated by this conversation. “I’ve begged and pleaded with you. I’ve done everything I could to get you to forgive me, but you won’t. I’m done begging you. Tracy’s right. You’ll never forgive us. You’d rather remain in bitterness and anger than accept the fact that I’m with Tracy. After the things you said last night, I don’t want you as a brother anymore.”

“Oh, Troy, don’t say that,” our mother says.

Despite the water I’m drinking, my throat feels dry, but I refuse to turn around until I drink the entire bottle.

“That’s a relief,” I say as I turn to face him. I take some steps across the room and stand about a foot from him. Mother, who is probably worried about things getting physical, comes and stands next to me. “I was getting sick of your begging.”

“Jesus, Jake! You know he doesn’t mean it. Just forgive him!” Luke yells.

I turn to face my younger brother. “You think it’s easy to just get over what he did?”

“You think you’re perfect? Look at all the crap you’ve done, and our parents forgive you. Why can’t you do that for Troy?”

“Because I can’t,” I say simply. “This isn’t the same as me pissing off our parents, Luke.” I don’t raise my voice, but I look at Troy as I continue to speak. “Our brother lied to me for months. He went behind my back and betrayed me in the worst way. He didn’t have the guts to come to me. I walked in on them. This is the guy I grew up with and would trust with my life. He did that to me. But you heard him.” He visibly flinches at my words. His eyes have glazed over but he doesn’t look away. “He wants nothing to do with me now. Isn’t that right, Troy?” I taunt.

“My biggest regret in life is hurting you, Jake. At least give me the opportunity to earn your forgiveness. Please.”

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