Page 127 of Swallow Your Sorries

Stassi blinks and lowers her voice. “Why? Why am I like this?”

“Like me? Obsessed? Because you fused our lives that night. Sending that video’s tied us togetherforever,” Aria hisses in her ear. “And I won’t let you escape. I won’t let you disentangle yourself from me because you made me like this.”

Stassi and I both let out little gasps.

That’s…that’s not true, is it? Is that where Gant’s obsession stems from? A trauma bond? A trauma loop he can’t get out of? One he won’t let me get out of either?

“You changed my life forever,” Aria says, “but one thing is going to remain a constant in it.You.”

“I think you’re right,” Stassi whispers, her eyes boring into Aria’s. “I bet that’s exactly how Gant thinks. That’s precisely why it all makes sense to him. How he justifies hating yet wanting, no,needingElle. He needs her to cope.”

“She needs him too,” Aria says, gazing at me.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I say. “I don’t need Gant for anything.”

“Except to stay at Beaulieu,” Stassi chimes in.

“And in the advanced ballet dance. And for swimming lessons,” Aria adds, her eyes flicking to mine.

Fuck. They knew.

They know.

“How do you know that about Gant?” I ask. “Or how did you guess it?”

“Gant may be a mysterious brooding boy to you, but I’ve known him since I was nine,” Aria says. “He’s no mystery to me.”

Once again, I’m reminded of just how close to Gant both girls are.

“Excuse me,” the androgynous store attendant says over the intercom, making all three of us jump. “We have back rooms for that, but please do not get any bodily fluids on the merchandise until you’ve purchased them. Thank you.”

Aria steps back from Stassi and rips off her moustache. Immediately both girls cackle madly as we zoom back to the reality of the tacky store and fluorescent overhead lighting. Tears of laughter well in Aria’s eyes as she scans Stassi’s horrible wig, and Stassi does the same, snorting at Aria’s toupee. Before I know it, both girls are doubling over in laughter and embracing each other for support with bear hugs.

As Stassi throws her head back on another giggle and grabs onto my shoulder for extra support, I can’t help but join in on the infectious laughter. I swear the moment of all three of us giggling in a nearby mirror freezes in my brain as a core memory. I’ve never had girlfriends to goof around with. The ladies at the deli were sweet, but all over sixty-five with names like Pearline.

It feels good to laugh. It feels so good to have my worries tossed to the wayside for just a moment.

But then my phone pings and the moment shatters, my stomach sinking into my ass as I think about another one of Beaussip’s articles. Lately, she hasn’t had any new material on me, but it didn’t stop her from uploading unflattering photos to the Eloisa Gallery on her website.

But it’s not Beaussip. It’s Mum asking if I’m free to take a call.

I slip into another aisle and dial her number immediately.

“Hey, Mum. Is everything okay?”

“Elle!”

She sounds muffled by a crap ton of rowdy background noise that’s definitely not her coworkers at the deli. I glance at my phone screen to see the time before pressing my left ear closed and turning my phone’s volume up to the max, but it’s barely any use. It’s four, which means she should definitely still be at work.

“Where are you?” I ask, turning my back on Stassi and Aria, who are taking turns on a sex swing in the corner.

“I’m just out with a few friends.”

Pearline and Estelle didn’t go to places that set off their hearing aids, and Mum never did have friends her own age. The older I get, the more I realise it’s because she doesn’t want friends who will eventually dig into her personal life, offer her advice, or even chastise her for her poor decisions. The older women at the deli are sweet and call you baby and don’t pry, only accepting whatever information you give them. And Mum never did give any.

“Where?” I press, but I know the second I hear that damn jukebox. “You’re at a bar?”

Not just any bar. The one on the fringes of town that borders our old city where I am now, Èze, and Mum’s new town. The bar that’s one of Jarett’s old favourites. The Hammered Shark.

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