Page 158 of Swallow Your Sorries

“Your lips will. Your heart won’t.”

“You’re so fucking arrogant. Do you even hear yourself when you speak?”

“Do you see yourself?” I ask seriously. “Look where you are. Breaking all the rules just to be here in my arms, in my creeping, filthy lair, pinned beneath my cock. Now keep trying to tell me I’m the crazy one. We both know you’re only trying to convince yourself.”

Elle

My stomach churns as I watch Gant stumble out of the greenhouse and crawl across the forest floor. He’s muttering incoherently, oblivious to everything, including the shallow spring that he plunges into. When he resurfaces, it’s like he doesn’t even realise what’s just happened.

He looks so pitifully lost and helpless that I shut the edited video off when he tries and fails to get out of the spring for a third time.

“This wasn’t a part of the plan,” I mutter as I glare at Rin.

I’d gotten Gant to admit that he wants me. Yes, little old fire crotch Elle.

I got a good dig, a bout of humiliation and jealousy that I’m sure wounded his gigantic ego when I’d asked about his friend’s dicks. When I’d made it known that, I didn’t want Gant as much as he wanted me.

I’d even gotten more insight intowhy me. He said he wanted to devour me in any way possible. Aria says I’m a tether to his past. I think it’s both.

But what I didn’t expect was to have the best orgasm of my life in front of Rin Joung, nor have her follow us into the forest.

“Neither was me nearly finding out what colour your asshole is, but here we are.”

I flush.

“This video is way better ammo than the first one. So what that Gant wants to fuck you? The minions will feel betrayed, but they’ll get over it because Gant’s that magnetic. That dark. That mysterious. They’re attracted to him like flies to shit. But this soft, weak side—”

“Having a breakdown is being weak?” I ask, a bite in my tone.

“It’s being a pussy. Just like you’re being. Gant’s mother died. She isn’t the first mother to die, just ask mine. Then there’s his asshole father. Poor little rich boy with his piece of shit CEO billionaire dad.” She pouts dramatically. “How can anyone ever understand his plight? Wait…I know, how about everyone at Beaulieu who has millionaire asswipes for fathers?” She raises her hand. “I do. You don’t climb that ladder by being nice, not even to your own kid.”

I just stare at her, unsurprised but still taken aback by her lack of sympathy. That video made me want to crawl out of my own skin and yet Rin had looked amused at his pain.

“Gant’s circumstances don’t make him special. He’s not the exception. In our circles, he’s the rule.” She bumps my shoulder as she moves past me to peer into the large mirror. The one on the third floor in the library. The same one where Stassi and I started our friendship.

She was right. No one comes in here and I can’t risk being seen with Rin.

I watch her fix her already perfectly straight headband, and run a hand through her already perfectly straight hair.

“That’s fine. I’m starting to learn that I don’t give a fuck about your circle’s rules. I have my own, and I’ll edit the video the way I want and send it to Beaussip myself. I have the email, and now I have access to yours as well.”

Rin spins towards me, eyes narrowed. “You know, there’s many types of bitches, but you’re the worst kind. The stupid, dumb bitch kind.”

I pause midway to the locked door and snort, but before I can retort she cuts me off.

“You had all this mouth about wanting to see Gant go down. You send Beaussip that first clip and maybe the tides will turn on him for a week max. Then what? You’re back to stuffing steak and eggs into your blazer once the senior girls take their heads out of their asses and love Gant again? Because that little interlude he promised you is only going to last until he pops your cherry. Pops that stupid little bubble you’ve cast over him that’s causing him to act deranged. Pathetic. And once it explodes, he’ll be up your fucking ass again in a new way, because the thrill of fucking you sexually will have worn off.”

I just stand there stunned as she fishes a lip gloss out of her purse. It’s not one of the purses she got at the cafe. No, I’d seen those perched on the shoulders of her little sisters as they flitted around campus with the same air as their big sister.

“You heard him last night. He’s mentally struggling to cope with his mother’s loss. He’s trying to find someone, anyone, to blame so he can stop internally blaming and torturing himself. He’s just taking out what he wants to do to himself on you. That’s why he’s so obsessed. That’s why he won’t be satisfied until he finally shatters you, destroying thecauseof it all.”

Why me? Why am I special?

Because I’m just a scapegoat. A punching bag.

I want to say she’s wrong, but how can I?

Gant’s answer. Aria’s guess. Rin’s words. I think all three are true.

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