Page 178 of Swallow Your Sorries

Zedd hides a car in the forest? And Gant’s telling me about it?

“But then wouldn’t Zedd spill about Zoi?”

“We didn’t know about Zoi at this point. He came bounding up to us mid-argument. Bae knew he was fucked then.”

“But Zedd and Stassi have the same father. He didn’t tell her about it?

“Stassi wants nothing to do with it.”

“How did Étienne come into play?”

“He likes the spiders. It’s the main reason we haven’t renovated it. He doesn’t want them disturbed unless we can rehome them somewhere else.

“And you actually listened?

“Not listening to Étienne will spark nightmares. You don’t see him coming. So the first year it just was left dormant, really. I’d creep inside when I was having a really bad episode. Zoi would find me. Bae would look for Zoi. That’s when Bae and Étienne found out that I slept there sometimes. They never said anything, though. They knew I’d kill them if they did. Now we’re soon leaving Beaulieu and I can’t help but feel disappointed that we never fixed it. Even if we don’t get to enjoy it as much as those we leave it for.”

“But it served its purpose, creepy as it is. So who says it isn’t ‘fixed’?”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Will you leave it to Sylo then? He obviously knows about it now.”

“Sylo thought because we’re cousins, I’d consider the inheritance route.”

“Would you?”

“Us being cousins hasn’t meant much in the past. Although lately that’s been shifting.”

“Why?” Yes, I’m still trying to distract myself, but now I’m invested.

“Our mothers are sisters. They’ve been estranged since my birth. I mostly associated with the Auclairs. I never even met Sylo until Beaulieu. I didn’t meet his mother, my aunt, until the funeral. She was painfully sweet and caring. Nothing like the hardened bitch my mother said she was. Well, at least not to me anyway.”

“That’s good, isn’t it? To have a caring family member.”

“But it’s another thing I don’t understand. Just like I don’t understand why my mother wanted Jarett. You say there doesn’t have to be a reason why some things just are, but I don’t believe that’s true for my mother. She didn’t become an Auclair and a Prima ballerina without reason. She did everything for a reason.”

“So it’s hard to contend that your aunt is the opposite of what she says because you know there must be a valid reason for why she said it.”

“It’s another crack. All these unanswered questions. If I don’t get answers soon, I think I’m going to shatter.”

“Gant…”

“Why don’t you shatter? Why don’t you break?”

I swallow, contemplating it for a moment. “Because I can’t. If you shatter, Daddy will catch you. He’ll hide you away somewhere with the best care money can buy. You can completely fall apart because you have a net waiting to catch you, so there’s a possibility of healing at some point.”

“Yes, but only because I’m a last resort. His only heir.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you’ll be caught. If I fall, that’s it. My mum would try, try to catch me, but we’d both crumple. I’ve never been able to lean on her for anything.”

“Have you told her the truth about Beaulieu? About the scholarship?”

“You mean about you being a demon deadset on making my life a living hell? No. What would it change? She’d beg me to come hide with her beneath the countertop, just like I did as a little girl. I’m sick of hiding. That’s why I stayed in the first place.”

He reaches out and touches my throat, and for one moment, I swear he’s about to squeeze it, but then his fingers settle on the tarnished ballet necklace Mum gave me.

“Why are you sentimental about that necklace then? First, you tell me that she never protected you, that she let Jarett do whatever the hell he wanted and now you’re saying she didn’t even give you comfort in the aftermath?”

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