Page 93 of Swallow Your Sorries

Like you said, you're kind of even. A little golden shower, a little spit vs two hundred grand and the best ballet dance education money can buy on this coast. Maybe that’s why you let him touch you…Maybe that’s how you justified it in that moment…you know when you were squirting on his fingers.

I cringe and shut the box before shoving it back under the stairs. I’m not about to justify this.

I’ll take it straight back to Gant tomorrow. He can get a refund or wear them himself.

Digging into my bag, I grab my phone and open Sylo’s message thread.

ElleBelle: I’m sooo sorry! I just got a detention card, and it starts in ten minutes. Can we reschedule?

It takes three minutes to get a reply.

Syloaf: No worries. I’ll ask a friend to swap with us tomorrow. Same time?

I breathe a sigh of relief.

ElleBelle: You’re an angel amongst demons. See you tomorrow.

He sends a purple devil emoji whose horns are holding up a halo.

***

The one positive of late-night detentions is that I can do my punishment in isolation, away from the ‘murderer’ chants and giggles. Away from the senior girls, who comment on my appearance like it’s an Olympic sport.

The quiet is nice.

Not seeing Gant’s smug face is nice.

Seriously. Hadn’t I had enough of him? From his bullying to his lewd touching, to his haunting of every damn dream I’ve had of late...

For once, I’m glad his special privileges have kept him out of detention with me. He’d only slow me down.

Then why does my stomach flutter every time I hear a little noise in hopes that it’s him? Why does my heart beat faster every time I peer over the special edition graphic novels I’m dusting and into the next aisle that’s still empty?

The whole third floor is empty and has been for an hour.

When I arrived, the librarian wasn’t even around. Just a rolling cart loaded with cleaning supplies and a list of what needed to be done. I’d dawdled for ten minutes before starting, figuring she’d show up at some point to check my progress and ensure that I’d come at all.

Annoyance resurges and rushes through my veins every time I think about her absence. I didn’t want her hovering over me, but her absence meant I could’ve still done my private lesson with Sylo before rushing over.

Sighing, I push the rolling ladder over to another segment of the bookcase that would one hundred per cent touch the ceiling if it wasn’t vaulted. The ceiling’s a beautiful golden dome with stained glass to match that of the dining hall’s windows. Not that I can admire its beauty in the dark sky, but the stars twinkling dimly through it once again remind me of just how beautiful this place is.

Of just how lucky I am to be here, even if it meant having to dust jacket covers and deal with Gant.

Gant…

A click of a heel makes my heart leap into my throat as I peer over the novels again. I don’t see who’s just invaded my lair, but I know from the ankle disappearing into the tiny computer lab who it is immediately.

The stockings are emerald green instead of the royal blue the girls are supposed to wear. They go all the way up to brown mid-thighs, instead of ending just below the knee. Then there’s the fact that they’re wrapped in crisscrossing black ribbons attached to ballet flats like pointe shoes.

Rin.

The main computer lab was downstairs and any student could use it during regular library hours, but this one is by reservation only. I’d seen the evening appointment list because I’d had to post it to the corkboard just outside the lab’s door. There’s only one name, Enaj Zaveri, but her appointment time isn’t until seven thirty in ten minutes.

So is this how Rin does it? How she works on Beaussip’s website in secret? By sneaking up to the almost always abandoned third floor to creep onto the computer? Surely she had her own laptop, but maybe all the shit she posted and edited required a higher-powered computer? I knew fuck all about tech, but it could be a reasonable explanation, right? The computers in the library were state of the art, loading pages faster than I could blink.

My knuckles blanch as I grip the ladder tighter and quietly begin my descent without looking down. Dusting the tip-top shelves meant that I’m a little over a story high and while I’m not terrified of heights, I can’t say I enjoy them either.

When my feet are safely planted on the shiny floors again, I creep around the bookshelf, angling myself so that I can peer into the narrow strip of glass inside the lab’s door without Rin being able to see me.

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