Page 20 of The Sign for Home

Then Martin turned his body slightly, addressing Big Head Lawrence while your hands listened.

“Arlo’s ASL… lousy. We must sign slow for him now. Teach him ASL better! Okay?”

For the next thirty minutes the two boys filled your hands with new signs, many of which were sinful and disrespectful, including signs forpissed off, wiped out (tired), bitch, asshole, and various ways to signoops I got busted. They also taught you the best way to avoid participating in gym class (mix mustard and water to fake puke), how to get your intervenor to reveal answers to spelling tests (keep acting confused when she signs the word), and which dorm bosses were the most strict and which had other assets worth exploiting.

“Best dorm boss name ‘C-A-N-D-Y’!”

SignCANDY: Pointer finger twists in a dimple.

Big Head Lawrence gushed, “Wow! Candy has huge boobs! I pretend with her…” He acted out the conversation. “?‘Who are you? I don’t know,’ I say. Then I feel her face, feel her arm, then feel her huge”—he fingerspelled slowly—“B-O-O-B-S. Squeeze. Squeeze. Long time. One, two, then three time she stops me. Wow. Fun!”

Big Head Lawrence’s and Martin’s bodies exploded in a virtualearthquake of laughter. You laughed as hard, but in truth you didn’t know what was so funny. Then, when your own ignorance again became too painful, you tapped the laughing boys on their backs.

“Question?” you signed. “B-O-O-B-S. What mean?”

Martin and Big Head Lawrence engaged in a quick private discussion, then Martin’s hands returned to yours.

“If not understand something must ask,” Martin signed emphatically. “Don’t be pea brain! Here, feel!”

Right in the middle of the gym, Martin pulled your hands to his chest and encouraged you to squeeze. Then he made you feel Big Head Lawrence’s and your own pectoral muscles. Big Head Lawrence’s chest was flat and thin like yours, but Martin’s was much rounder and full of fat.

“Understand?” Martin declared. “I have B-O-O-B-S! Titties!”

SignTITTIES(slang): Two fists form the breasts on the front of the chest and bounce accordingly.

“You and Big Head Lawrence have C-H-E-S-T-S! Different!”

“Martin [has] very small boobs compared to Candy’s,” Big Head Lawrence explained, reminding you that he had firsthand experience. “Candy, her boobs champ! Huge! Why? Because Candy born babies already. Our dog born babies already. Dogs have many, many boobs. Puppies drink milk… make many boobs grow quick and B-I-G. Understand? People same.”

You had accidentally touched your mama’s boobs before. Hers were not very large—only a little larger than Martin’s, yet she had given birth to you. Of course, it was unlikely your mother let you drink milk out of her boobs. In fact, your mama said it was a red star sin to touch boobs unless you were married. But Martin still let you touch his boobs several more times.

Suddenly, you realized there was another word you needed. A wordyou knew Molly would never teach you, if she knew it at all.The thing between your legsthat Brother Birch said Satan and his demons used to try to coax you to do evil things that you knew were sinful and would lead to the Lake of Fire.

You took Martin’s hand and brushed it against your crotch, and simultaneously touched him quickly over his jeans.

“That… sign what?”

Martin pointed the tip of his “P” hand to his nose (ASL forpenis), then fingerspelled the English word “P-E-N-I-S.”

Big Head Lawrence explained that you could also sign the same body part with the “D” hand, which meant D-I-C-K.

“Jerk-off feel good!” Big Head Lawrence signed. “But careful!”Gulp!“Don’t let dorm boss or teacher catch you. Forbidden!”

“I already told him!” Martin added.

As you touched your nose with the letters D and P over and over again, you became curiouswhyyou were touching your nose.

“Sign forpenis… why?” you asked.

“Because when you jack off P-E-N-I-S becomes hard like nose,” Martin told you. “And when you jack off again and again and again”—his hands make a splatter gesture—“sticky P-E-E all over like snot from nose. Feels awesome!”

Martin’s and Big Head Lawrence’s bodies shook with laughter as they joyously slapped their hands on your back and thighs.

Sticky P-E-E? Feels awesome?

“Hey!” You slapped their backs, trying to stop them from laughing. “My penis not make sticky pee. Just water pee. Why?”

“You’re signing too big! Shh!”Gulp!Martin demanded in his bossy tone. “Follow us. We talk private.”

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