Page 19 of Dark Notes

JAGGER

Three weeks later…

I haven’t fucking seen her, other than a quick glimpse when I went to talk to Erik. The second she saw me, she ran to the bedroom in the suite and shut the door. Of course I want to fuck her, considering my balls are now whatever the fucking bluest shade of blue there is, but it’s more than that. I want to make sure she’s okay. I’ve been concerned that he did something to her that’s kept her from me. I don’t trust him when it comes to McKinley. I’ve already seen his fucking handiwork. I’m fucking done waiting around, like a goddamn patient man that I’m not. I can’t stop thinking about her, and thinking about that asshole being inside her every night is fucking with my head. Jake and Hendrix both have suggested I’m losing my grip on reality. They are both convinced it’s about the fact that the ‘spoiled rock star’ finally found something he can’t have, and it’s not lost on me that’s what she thought too. It’s more than that. Does it piss me off that I haven’t gotten what I wanted? Yes. How I know I want so much more than fucking her, I can’t explain to them, because I don’t even understand it myself.I just know.Since I first laid eyes on her, I’ve been in a constant fixation.

Me:I want to see McKinley tonight. If I don’t, you’ll be going home on the first commercial flight I can find for you and the rest of the dildos.

Dildo #1:She’ll be there. Where?

Me:I want her at my show without you. Jimmy will have her ticket. Then I want to see her in my dressing room so I can be sure she’s okay. Again without you. Fuck with me and you’re done.

In the last forty-eight hours, the stupid monkeys have met with three label, A&R reps. I’m giving this asshole everything just to have her close to me, and I’ve barely gotten a look at her. It’s grating on my last nerve. And because he is a stupid fuck, he never requested our agreement in writing, which means if he doesn’t give me what I want, I’m sending them packing. The fact that he agreed only proves how little she means to him. I would never sell her off the way he is. Fuck, there’s no amount of money I wouldn’t pay for just one goddamn night with her. I know she’s probably going to be pissed because she doesn’t want to see me, because she knows this attraction is not one sided. McKinley is hiding from the truth. I’m sure she doesn’t trust herself with me and she shouldn’t, but I’m an asshole and I plan to take what I want, even if it makes her feel uncomfortable. Why she’s still with this douchebag, I really don’t understand, but I’d like to. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m missing something somewhere. There has to be a reason she stays with him, but for the life of me, I can’t see it.

We get to tonight’s venue in Denver, Colorado, and as we are walking inside, I glance at Jett. “I want to open withScrewdrivertonight. Can you play lead?”

He chuckles. “Is this about the girl again?”

I shake my head in annoyance. “Will you or won’t you? And her name isn’t ‘the girl’. It’s McKinley. Fucking remember it.”

Jake chuckles. “Touchy touchy.”

Jett finally answers, “Yeah, I got you man. Look, if you want McKinley, I think you should do whatever it takes. I’ve never seen you like this over a chick. But maybe something more romantic thanScrewdriver. That song isn’t going to woo any woman.”

Jake laughs loudly. “Woo? What are you, seventy years old?”

I ignore him when we walk through the bare white hallways, and I spot McKinley walking into a dressing room with Erik.

Clenching my jaw, I fight the urge to go in there and knock him out, before yanking her out with me. It’s exactly what I’d normally do, but I already know she scares easily and, fuck, I don’t want to push her any further away than she already is. So I’m exhibiting the one virtue I have none of. Patience.

“After we doPrimal, I’m going to do aLeppardcover;Two Steps Behind.”

I’m not asking permission, I’m just informing them, but Jake starts laughing. “That’s basically a stalker anthem, brother.”

Jett glances at me. “When did we become a cover band?”

I sigh as I glare at him. “We aren’t. Look, this is what I need to do. I’m working on a song for her, but it’s not done.”

Walking into my dressing room, I take their silence as agreement, and try to relax before the show, but it proves to be difficult because she’s got me wound so fucking tight.

We stand on stage waiting for the mini light show to end so we can start. The second I move to center stage, I look and can’t fucking breathe when I see her there, looking phenomenal.She’s wearing a pair of black jeans with a lacy pink top. The auditorium is packed with people, but she’s the only one I see, as I sing the lyrics toPrince’sScrewdriver.At first, she stands in place, stoic as hell, until I take my shirt off and toss it at her. I step closer to her as I take in her pretty little blush. Fuck, I missed her. She tilts her head back and her smile nearly knocks me over. So beautiful. I like having her here, but it makes performing torture, because all I want to do is fucking touch her.

Taking a deep breath, I get my head back in the game and perform our songs, becoming one with my band as the crowd cheers. Do I miss Candy in the front row, sporting a t-shirt that says, ‘Take me backstage, Jagger!’? Nope, but it’s not happening. We are known for sex, drugs, rock and roll, as well as bad behavior. I don’t want to do any of those things without McKinley. She has turned me into a man I don’t even recognize. I fucking crave her and only her.

We perform Primal, and I can’t help smiling when I spot McKinley dancing, and singing along with my words. I fucking love it. I finish the song and walk over to Jett, and whisper in his ear the song change, because I’ve decided on a different song. We’ve never played this live but we’ve done it many times, all of us just jamming. Our version is a little louder, with more guitar and a lot of synthesized sounds.

Jett starts on lead guitar, and plays the guitar solo before the drum solo. I move to the side of the stage where McKinley is, and sing the opening lines ofTo Be With YoubyMr. Big. I motion for her to come closer, as I sit with my legs dangling off the stage. She steps closer, and I wrap my legs around her while she blushes. Of course, every person in this auditorium is watching us and I don’t fucking care. Maybe I should, but fuck, I don’t.

After I finish the song, I speak into her ear so it’s only for her, “You look so fucking beautiful, filthy girl.”

Reluctantly, I get up and move away from her to finish the next three songs of our set, stealing an occasional glance from the most beautiful woman in the place. I decide every smile is just for me. Every sway of her hips isn’t because of the music, it’s for me. Strapping on my guitar, I play the solo beside Jett while watching her. McKinley’s gaze travels from my feet up to my chest, where it stays for a long minute, before she lifts her eyes to my face. The second she realizes I know she’s checking me out, she looks away with embarrassment, as she pulls that bottom lip between her teeth. Fuck.

I go back to my dressing room and wait. Will she show up like she’s supposed to, or will she freak out again and stay away? I’m sure Erik let her know not to fuck this up for him. Still, I’m nervous that she won’t show up.

Ten minutes later, looking like a fucking angel, she walks through the door and closes it behind her.

“Lock it.”

She raises an eyebrow but does as I asked, before she walks over to where I sit on the couch.

---