Page 2 of Dark Notes

“If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. This hurts me seeing you like this. Stress causes weight gain, you know. He is probably doing this to you.”

I take a sip of my bitter coffee and swallow quickly to get the taste out of my mouth. My friend bought it to be nice, so while she’s here, I’ll force myself to drink it, but when she leaves I’m getting rid of it.

She pulls the robe closed, so it covers my leg again.

“I’m saying something to him. You asked me to keep my mouth shut, and I did, but no more. This has to stop.”

I grab her arm and beg her, “No, please. We haveTheDark Notesconcert. It’s the only thing getting me through and if you say something to him, that’s gone. Please.”

Erik is the guitarist for the band opening for them, and it’s the only reason I can get in. I could never afford the three hundred dollar tickets and if she pisses him off, he will not give us our tickets. Mia and I have been over the moon about this show since they got the last minute gig. This is the biggest gig Erik’s band, The Glass Monkeys, has ever gotten. Even he has been excited and there’s little that makes him happy.

“Fine.”

She rolls her eyes. “For now, I’ll keep my mouth shut, but no more sharpie for you. You can’t control what he says to you, but you can control what you say to yourself.”

Mia doesn’t get it. I can’t stop what my mind says about me. I only write what’s in my head. It’s not like I sit there and think of the worst things you can say to someone. Our internal dialogue is filled with things we’d never say to another human being. Except Erik, I guess, because he says it without seeming to have any difficulty. I haven’t always marked my body with mean words. Not long after the weigh-ins started, he drew all over the parts of me he thought were fat. He called it motivation. I called it devastating. He wrote ‘fat’ in huge letters on my stomach, ‘Thunder’ on my left thigh, and ‘thighs’ on my right. Not long after, I started doing it to myself. I can’t explain it to Mia because I don’t entirely understand it myself.

“It’s abuse,” she whispers before continuing, “McKinley, you are abusing yourself. Please stop.”

I nod in defeat because this is something she’ll never comprehend. Living it is the only way you come close to getting why someone would do this to themselves. I know it’s not normal and honestly, if she did it to herself, I’d be horrified. “I’ll try.”

Mia is a gorgeous tall blonde, with eyes bluer than the ocean, and every man that lays eyes on her wants her. At one hundred twenty-five pounds, Erik tells me constantly I should look likeher. Of course, he wishes I looked like my model best friend, but I never will.

“You know my agent is always reminding me to keep my weight down, but even I don’t have someone monitoring every morsel of food I put into my mouth. This isn’t healthy. This is how fucking eating disorders are born.”

CHAPTER THREE

JAGGER

I glare at my booking agent with near fury.

“The fucking Glass Monkeys?”

He throws his hands in the air. “We didn’t have many options, Jagger.Youdid this.”

So I fucked the little sister of Asylum’s lead singer. Big fucking deal. How was I to know he’d find out and quit the goddamn tour? It’s fucking sex. I fuck a lot of women, and I do not ask them if they are affiliated with our opening band in any way. I do find out if they are legal, but that’s the end of the question and answer session.

“What is your problem with them?”

I throw myself on the red couch in my dressing room that travels with me everywhere. It’s my favorite. It’s made of crushed velvet and is comfortable. Most musicians have snacks and alcohol on their rider, this is my number one item. I don’t give a fuck about peanut M&Ms or vodka. Okay, I do also have the vodka on my list of must haves, but my sofa comes with me too. I like to have comfort from home.

“He’s a douchebag.”

Throwing my hands in the air, I mock him, “It’s Erik with a K.”

That’s not really what bugs me about him. I don’t give a fuck how he spells his name. He’s an asshole to everyone. We are the headliner, and always have been when they open for us. Yet,he walks around like king shit and treats our guys like garbage. More than once he’s roughed up the groupies, and I don’t like that one bit. I’m an asshole, but I don’t beat women.

“What about The Brothers?”

Allen chuckles as he shakes his head at me, something I’m accustomed to.

“Soundcheck is in an hour. It’s one night.”

I sigh audibly. “Fine. I want Amber and Ashley in here after we’re done.”

He rolls his eyes. “That’s Jimmy’s job, not mine. Where is he?”

Stretching my arms behind me, I sit on the couch like it’s my throne. My life doesn’t suck. Quite the opposite. I have everything I have ever wanted and more. Jimmy walks in with two employees from the venue. A pretty set of brunettes place vodka on the glass coffee table in front of me, before blushing and leaving. I stare at Jimmy and chuckle inwardly, because he and Allen are polar opposites. Jimmy has long blonde hair, and looks like he missed his chance to joinPoisonin the eighties. Allen has short dark hair and sports the corporate America look, down to the black suit he is wearing.

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