Page 25 of Dark Notes

“McKinley?”

My voice comes out as raw and broken as my heart feels at this moment. With black marker, there are things written all over her body.

Fat whore. Pig. Ugly. Fat. Gross. Better dead.

What the fuck is this?

“I’ll go,” she repeats as she holds her clothes in her hands, trembling like a goddamn leaf in the wind. Is she afraid of me?

“I’ll get dressed and go.”

“McKinley.”

It’s the only fucking word I can get out, because I’m still trying to fucking process this. Once my brain and mouth decide to work together, I ask, “Who did this to you?”

I’m imagining scenarios that will undoubtedly end with a bat to that fucker’s head. I swear to God, if he did this to her, he’s going to pay with his life.

“Don’t. You were never meant to see this. I’m going to go.”

I run a hand through my hair. “You are not going anywhere. Get in the shower now, McKinley.”

She holds her head down, like she’s so ashamed. I know this is not something she wanted me to see.

Silently, she takes her bra and panties off. This is not how I imagined seeing her naked for the first time, so I attempt to not stare at her body. I’m fucking furious, but I try to hide it, because I don’t want to make her feel bad about herself. Whoever did this to her, I’m sure already accomplished that.

I take off my shirt and jeans, along with my boxers, and climb into the shower behind her. She turns with a start. “What are you doing?”

I clench my jaw. “Washing every one of those goddamn lies off your beautiful body.”

Pouring the body wash in my hand, I ask her, “Can I wash you? I don’t know if it’s okay to touch you.”

She nods. “You can touch me, Jagger.”

I kneel in front of her and wash her stomach gently.

“Who did this? Make me understand.”

The water sprays all over her back as I look up at her, and see the tears falling down her cheeks. “I did.”

My heart fucking drops. It’s bad enough to imagine someone else doing this to her, but she did this to herself?

“Why?”

Moving to her thighs, I wash the front and insides, all places where she has these vile fucking words.

“I don’t know how to explain it to you. You’re perfect, so you wouldn’t understand. Erik did it to me a couple years ago, and I guess I started doing it after. Not all the time, but it helps when the thoughts become too much, to write them. And it reminds me to not eat too much food.”

“What triggered this?”

She closes her eyes as she holds her hands in front of her stomach, trying to conceal what she perceives as fat from me.

“You’re so beautiful, so I’m having trouble understanding, but I’m trying.”

More tears fall down her cheeks as I rise to my feet.

“I come with a lot of baggage. I tried to tell you, Jagger. I’m sorry. This was all such a mistake. I said no, and I should’ve stuck with it.”

I take her face in my soapy hands. “Stop trying to fucking run. I’m not allowing it. This pisses me off, that he made you feel this way about yourself. Still, it doesn’t make me want you any less. But I swear to God, McKinley, I’m taking all your goddamn markers away.”

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