Page 52 of Dark Notes

Goodbye

Living in pain

Isn’t living

Don’t wish for me to be here

No, don’t shed a tear

Goodbye

Don’t cry for me

Goodbye

Love Forever,

McKinley

That song was never meant to encourage suicide. In the video, the young man that is the subject of the song is found before he hurts himself, and we donated all proceeds to suicide prevention. Did she think that would make me okay with her dying? It wouldn’t. Nothing would.

Mia comes back out and says, “You have five minutes. And if you upset her, the doctors said you will need to leave. She’s not doing well, Jagger. She is fine physically but emotionally, she’s not herself.”

I follow her back, going through the long white hallway, and she waves me in. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”

After saying a quick hello to the nurse, I turn to McKinley. Her dark hair is a tangled mess, her eyes are puffy, and the tears dried on her cheeks tell me why her eyes are so red.

I approach the side of the bed. “Thank you for seeing me.”

“Well, I’m alive to do it. Yayy,” she says sarcastically.

Staring into her eyes, I tell her, “I love you, baby. You’re asking me to do the impossible. Living without you will be pure hell.”

She closes her eyes tight before re-opening them. “I need you to let me go, Jagger. I have to be alone. It was wrong to bring you into my pain.”

I sigh audibly. “If this is what you need, I’ll give it to you, but I’ll be waiting for you, baby. I’ll wait a hundred fucking years if I need to.”

She lifts her hand, and then winces from the pain in her two wrapped wrists, so I place my fingers over hers.

“It’s over, Jagger. Please don’t wait. Move on without me. You are such a good man, so please, find someone that can give you everything you give to them. It doesn’t have to be so one-sided.”

The nurse shouts out, “Time’s up. The doctor said five minutes. She isn’t even supposed to have visitors.”

Leaning over her, I kiss her cheek before whispering in her ear.

“I love you, McKinley. I’ll never fucking stop. When you’re ready, find me. I’ll be waiting for you. You’re the only thing that has ever meant a damn thing to me.”

She doesn’t tell me she loves me. Her last words to me are, “Goodbye, Jagger Wild.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

JAGGER

Journal Entry

The silence is deafening. Excruciating.

I’m not myself

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