Page 17 of Dark Notes

“I would never hurt you. I’m not him.”

Stepping away from him as he approaches me, I say, “You are hurting me, Jagger. You say you wouldn’t, but you already are.”

Jagger places his hands on my arms.

“How am I hurting you?”

The tears drop down my face as I inform him, “Without you, he couldn’t do this to me. I feel like a cheap piece of garbage, being sold to someone who has so much money, he’s willing to throw it at useless crap. I don’t fucking matter to anyone.”

He wraps his arms around me and holds me close to his chest.

“Fuck, McKinley, I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. I’m sorry.”

Letting me go, he says, “If you want to go, you can, but…”

He hesitates as I wait for him to tell me I don’t have a choice in the matter.

“I’m asking you to stay. For today. I just want to spend time with you.”

I tug on my shirt, which I know is a nervous habit. Mia says I do it because I want to hide within myself, and she might not be wrong. Right now, I wish I could disappear. Who am I kidding? I always want to vanish.

“I don’t know what you’re after, Jagger Wild. Whatever it is, you won’t find it here. I’m crazy. Haven’t you heard yet? I’m crazy and fat. You’d serve yourself well to amuse yourself elsewhere.”

He shakes his head like the truth is unpleasant.

“That’s not how I see you, McKinley. You’re beautiful inside and out. I’ll tell you how I see you. You’re fucking gorgeous, but someone made you think otherwise. That person lied to you. I suspect I know who he is, but it’s not the truth. There is nothing wrong with you. You aren’t crazy. You have been abused. Conditioned to believe these things about yourself. You think you don’t matter to me? Oh, you fucking do, which is why after today, I’m going to try to step back and let you make decisions without me smothering you.”

I stare at the floor, because his words make me feel uncomfortable and emotional. His words were beautiful, but I can’t trust them. I can’t trusthim. A songwriter’s job is to string together pretty words that move people. To make them feel.

“Are we going bowling, or was that just a guise to get me into your hotel room?”

Taking my hand, he walks me through the expansive hotel room to the stairs.

“Are we going to your bedroom? I’m not fucking you.”

Jagger wraps his arm around my waist as he chuckles softly.

“Always so suspicious. No, as much as I’d really fucking like to, I’m not taking you to bed. There’s a bowling alley up here.”

I turn to him with a squeal.

“What? In your hotel room? Jagger, that’s insane.”

We stop at the top of the steps, and he runs his thumb over my lips.

“This is my favorite part of you. Jesus, baby, I would do anything to see this more often.”

His eyes are intense as they gaze into mine.

“Come the end of this date-”

He sighs heavily. “Losing you is going to be my biggest regret.”

I shut my eyes tight and admit the truth to him, or at least part of it.

“In another life, Jagger. If I were a different woman, normal, I would’ve said yes. I promise you, losing me would not be your regret. I would be. So I’m going to keep telling you no, because it’s the right thing to do. I’m saving you.”

Shaking his head, he laughs like I’m absurd.

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