Page 25 of Ruin

How am I supposed to tell them the truth. I have a feeling if Declan finds out I said something, it’s only going to make my punishment worse. And right now, the last thing I want is to piss him off even more.

“He’s working toward something for you. Watch your back.” Ash takes the joint from me, and I think about his words.

Watch my back. A little too late for that, I think. He’s using me whenever he wants. That’s his punishment for me.

“The entire school is talking about the football and hockey season. Now we have to listen to all the stupid cheers.” I hear Kat as she lies down next to me, and I turn to face her. “I think we should have some fun at the first-”

“Are you crazy?” Erin says slapping Kat’s arm. “You’re thinking of messing with the hockey games? I’m sure Declan will burn our house down.”

I smile to myself.

He would do it, and maybe do more if he could.

“Our senior year and Declan is making us miserable-”

“You mean more miserable than you already are,” Ash tells her, which makes us all laugh because he’s not wrong. She is the moodiest out of us.

I don’t talk. But Ash, well, he likes to laugh now and again and sees the funny side of everything. Erin, I think she would prefer to be with the cheerleaders, but something happened there and they told her to fuck off, so she’s here with us.

“Trixie, I got you extra like you asked.” Ash hands me the bag, and I take some money and hand it over to him. I go to get up but stop when Ash grabs my hand. “You good?”

I nod, but he keeps hold of my hand, giving it a squeeze. He wants to ask me something, but he doesn’t at the same time. I can almost see the letters trying to form words in his eyes. I give him a smile, hoping it will convince him I’m okay. I’ve been lucky no one has seen the bandages around my wrists because of all the bracelets I wear. The other places I cut myself are covered anyway, but they are so small no one would ever question them.

“See you on Monday.” Ash finally lets go of my hand, and I nod before walking over to my car. I could stay with them, but I’m not in the mood to listen to how annoying everyone is at school.

I would rather sit outside my window and get high while listening to my music. Tonight I don’t know what will happen, nor do I know what tomorrow holds for me with Declan. All I know is, Robert will come into my room, and I’d rather be high so I can block it all out.

* * *

This is the last place I want to be after the fucked up night I had. There was a part of me which was thinking of not coming, but I feared he might come to the house like he threatened.

Robert has always made it clear I’m his and that no one else is to touch me. If they do, he will make me pay. And kill whoever touched what’s his.

A part of me wants to laugh at his words. I wish I hadn’t because he made good on his promise. In my last school, a boy asked me out, and he kissed me on the cheek. Two days later, I found out he was in a bad car accident and was in hospital. He was in the hospital for five months. It was the only warning I needed from Robert to make sure, while I was under this roof, no boy was to touch me.

But now I have Declan, who’s making me his puppet the same way as Robert does. A part of me wants Robert to know about him, so he’ll leave me alone. The other part can’t handle the guilt of something happening to someone else because of me.

I’m stuck with Robert, and for senior year, I’m stuck with Declan. There is no escaping my hell.

Grabbing my bag, I get out of the car and slowly make my way to the house. What’s the worst he can make me do today? Suck him off again. There’s no way he would rape me, would he?

Fuck, the thought makes bile rise in my throat, my stomach aching at the thought of it. With a trembling hand, I press the doorbell, hoping his mom answers the door. If she is home, then he won’t do anything bad. Well, that’s the hope.

The door swings open, which makes me jump, and I see one of his brothers. I don’t know their names, and have no interest in learning them either.

“He’s upstairs, third door on the left. Tell him I’m leaving,” he tells me and leaves the house. I close the door behind me, not bothering to look around to see if anyone else is here. I make my way to his room. Knocking, I open the door and he’s lying on the bed, and turns his head to face me.

Your brother said he’s leaving.

I quickly tell him as he sits up on the bed and looks me up and down.

“I’m sure I told you to wear something specific.” He doesn’t move. Just shakes his head at me.

He asked me to wear a dress, like I did yesterday. I didn’t not wear it to piss him off. I just forgot, probably because I wanted to cover some bruises on my body. Thanks to the ass, Robert. I just had to make sure I covered them.

“So what do I do now? You didn’t listen to me.” He finally stands up and walks over to me. He’s wearing gray bottoms and a plain white t-shirt, which fits him well. It’s a shame he’s an asshole. It makes him look ugly, even though he’s far from it. If the situation was different, I would find him very good looking.

He moves some of my hair away, and takes my bag from my shoulder, before placing it on the floor. I don’t look up at him, but continue to stare at his chest. He’s tall and big. A lot bigger than Robert, not fat, but a lot more muscle on him.

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