Page 70 of Marry Me

“Let’s adjourn to the bedroom.” Ally stood.

“I don’t have to be asked twice,” Megan said, allowing her arm to be tugged. That night, with a new shut-out-the-world attitude, Allison let go. She took liberties with each caress, boldly taking what she wanted and enjoying every inch of Megan’s body. She wasn’t shy. She followed every instinct she had, surprising even herself when she flipped Megan over and took her from behind. It turned into the most freeing experience of life.

“How do you feel?” Megan asked her later, as they lay facing each other, their limbs all tangled.

“I feel like me,” Allison said honestly. There were quite a few consequences for claiming a new life for herself, ones that she’d never seen coming. But in the end, those things couldn’t dictate who she was. Her heart knew. It had recognized Megan the moment she met her, even if it took her brain a little longer to catch on. And their connection continued to grow even right up to this moment. Her feelings bubbled and swirled, taking center stage.

“I could get lost in you,” Megan said. “What if I already am?” She wasn’t smiling when she said the words, which left Ally concerned. This was becoming a theme.

“I’ll find you,” she said softly, trailing her fingertips down Megan’s back as she looked into moonlit eyes. She knew innately that, together, they could accomplish anything. They just needed their shot. With each passing day, her heart swelled and clung, until she knew beyond anything else that life was better with Megan at her side. The problem? She was beginning to wonder if Megan felt the same way.

* * *

One month made a huge difference in business. Megan found that out the hard way. In that short amount of time, most of the business on Soiree’s corporate side had dried up to crumbs. Clients were pulling out of contracts. Others were going with their competitors for annual events that had always belonged to Soiree.

Megan had known there could be further fallout from the Carmichaels after losing her seat on the board, but she’d clearly underestimated their reach. With the extra time, she’d devoted hours to expanding the bridal side of their business, and luckily, there seemed to be no shortage of women with big weddings to plan. Still. Her pride was hurt. She valued her position in the Dallas event planning space, and it seemed like the big guys no longer wanted her in the game. She’d always imagined that if anything got in her way, it would be the racial bias present in the elbow-rubbing circles of high society, not a war with the damn Carmichaels, of all people. But she’d been forced out, and that hurt. A lot.

She kept herself busy as much as possible and focused on the bright spots in her life. Her friendships, her existing clients, and Allison, who’d become not only her girlfriend, but her honest-to-goodness best friend as well. Though they’d spent Christmas apart with their respective families, their reunion was nothing short of historical. She’d never missed anyone more.

Nowadays, they rarely spent nights apart even if it meant Ally had to sneak away early to prepare for school or Megan got home late after personally working an event. She saw Brent Carmichael in passing at luncheons or events within the professional organizations they both belonged to. He was cordial—she’d give him that. In all honesty, she didn’t credit him with the blackballing. It had Dalton Carmichael written all over it, and he had certainly kept his distance from Megan with the exception of a wedding she’d worked and he’d attended. When their gazes met during dinner, he’d simply raised a glass of champagne in her direction and smiled victoriously, sending a chill up her spine. He was making sure she understood his role in her recent struggles, happily claiming responsibility. She glanced away with a pit in her stomach and focused on her job.

The scope of the fallout had taken its toll, however, and it was hard to stay light on her feet. While Allison was everything she’d ever wanted in a partner, the ground beneath her felt precarious, and shehad trouble giving herself over entirely, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She wondered if Allison had noticed. One night after a dinner of Chinese food out of cartons, one of their favorite traditions, Ally asked the question.

“How do you feel about me?”

Megan paused, chopsticks in the air. “What in the world kind of question is that? I adore everything about you. You know that.” Back to eating.

“Well, I’m falling in love with you,” Ally said, almost by way of a blurt. Her face heated red. “In fact, I’m starting to believe that I’m already head over heels.” She rushed to explain, “I realized recently that we don’t talk about our feelings too often. We don’t take stock, and I get that’s because you’re very practical, but I’m less so, and it’s important to me that we communicate. You know, discuss these kinds of things.” She watched as Allison clenched and unclenched her fists at her sides, something she did when she was nervous. Megan liked that they were close enough now that she knew her tells. But honestly, she also had no idea where to go with this. Allison might have been nervous, but Megan was terrified and unwilling to admit it. This whole conversation made her feel uncomfortable, like she’d been backed into a corner without warning. This emotional stuff was not her thing, and no matter how strongly she felt, it was hard to let herself admit it.

She took a deep breath to process what Allison had just confessed and to formulate a response she was okay with. Hell, this was what she did on a daily basis for brides, right? Kept them calm. Happy. Pacified. Her voice remained measured and even. “I can tell you that I’m really happy with where we’re at.” She added a big smile to prove it. None of it was false.

“Okay,” Allison said, drawing the word out, nodding, likely waiting for more. Megan didn’t offer it and was left feeling like she’d somehow failed. She searched for any remaining reassurances to smooth things over, but she just couldn’t say the three words Allison needed her to. Not because she didn’t feel them—she did. But their situation felt riddled with complications and fallout, and saying the words would send her right out onto that scary ledge ready to fall at any given second. Could she give herself over to such uncertainty? No. She took a step back to safety instead. “I think we’re on the same page, don’t you?”

Ally hesitated, and who could blame her? “I’d like to think so, but I wonder what goes on in your head. I used to know. Lately, though, you’ve seemed withdrawn. Sad.”

Megan used the power of touch to bury her shortcomings in the conversation. She took Allison’s hand and pulled her close, holding her at the waist and gazing into her eyes. “I’m not sad about you. We’re great in so many ways. We have the best talks, and amazing chemistry, fabulous ice cream sessions.” She looked skyward. “The sex cannot be spoken of without exclamation points.”

Allison smiled. “I agree with all those things.” She seemed to relax in Megan’s arms. “I miss you a lot when we’re not together. I think about your day. If you’re smiling or too busy to smile.” A pause when Megan didn’t respond. “Do you ever do that?”

Ah. Okay. Allison was attempting to pull Megan out of her emotional shell, which these days was easier said than done. She couldn’t tell Allison that the very fact that she was on this Earth had Megan energized in the morning like never before. That she dreamed of the feel of her skin and the soft scent of her shampoo when they were apart. She couldn’t articulate that she counted the moments until they saw each other, until she could bury her face in Allison’s hair, or kiss the lips she’d grown obsessed with and daydreamed about during her workday, as her coworkers teased her for the dreamy smile on her face. She most definitely couldn’t announce that her feelings had accelerated leaps and bounds over anything she’d ever felt for anyone because speaking those words out loud would make them all too real, and the more real they became, the more terrifying the stakes seemed.

What if she was just a break from Allison’s regularly scheduled programming and eventually she was going to run back to the life she knew? It was self-protection. She couldn’t fully enter the race unless she knew she’d come away successful. The more Megan felt for Allison, the more she held it in. The mere thought of losing Ally hurt too much to dwell on, so she shook herself out of it, understanding that getting too close was likely dangerous. She focused on the very specific question Allison had asked instead.

“Of course I think about you. How could I not?” It wasn’t the complete answer, but it was all she could allow herself to offer. She gently cleared a strand of hair affectionately from Allison’s forehead. She was smiling back at Megan, but it was a carefully constructedsmile that gave very little away. It wasn’t a beam or one of her relaxed bubbly grins. She was guarded, and that was not at all like Allison. Her chest tightened. This conversation wasn’t going well, and neither of them was acknowledging it.

That night as they fell asleep, she pulled Ally close, needing to feel her heartbeat against her own and shroud herself in the love that was already bursting from her chest no matter what she did to quell it. Dammit. With Ally’s face tucked below her cheek as she slept, Megan lay awake, staring at the ceiling and the shadows that danced a haunting routine above her, lost in her thoughts, and worried that the carefully guarded castle was about to come crumbling down.

Chapter Fifteen

Something’s going on,” Allison said and took a bite of her sandwich. It was a begrudging bite. Her stomach had been off all week, and her appetite had drifted from her like an untethered boat in a current. Who knew when it would return? But if she didn’t eat, she would get lightheaded during math instruction, which required her to be on her feet more than any other time of the day, especially when they were working on difficult multistep word problems like today. She needed sustenance. She frowned and met Lacey’s questioning stare. “And I don’t like it.”

“What kind of something? Do your neighbors have secret meetings they don’t invite you to? I’ve wondered that about mine before.”

Allison went still. “I had no idea you dealt with such neighborly suspicion.”

“I brush it off.”

The more she got to know Lacey, the more her endearing quirks seemed to emerge. She supposed that meant they were truly on their way to friendship.

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