Page 57 of The Last Lavender Sister

“Something you purposefullyomitted. Look I get that there are tons of people who would not see this as a big deal, but given the nature of my past, the wounds I still carry, I’m not one of them.”

Aster pulled into the parking lot of the hotel and pressed her forehead to the steering wheel. “Please. I get it now. I can see that this has hurt you, and I hate it. I mishandled this whole thing. What you have to understand is that I don’t have a lot of experience in this area. And I clearly misjudged Nora and what kind of person she is. I’m sorry you heard this from her when it should have been me.”

“I know.” Brynn opened the car door and stepped out. “I don’t think you purposefully set out to hurt me, Aster, but you really did, and all of this is feeling like it was just a big mistake.”

“No, no, no. Can we start over?”

Brynn wanted to. She wanted to rewind, go back to an hour ago, or find a way to move past all of this. She’d had the best two days of her life and had been thrilled for what was ahead, the plans they’d started to make, the memories just waiting for them create. Aster was hers, and together they were better than she’d even imagined. But shecouldn’t undo this turn in the road because it wasn’t just a mistake. And yes, she was aware that her own hang-ups were part of the problem. If Aster would knowingly hold that kind of information back, what could Brynn expect from her in the future? She was doubting herself now, too. Her own judgment and assessment of character. It was humbling and unnerving. If she didn’t know Aster, of all people, maybe she didn’t know anyone.

“Stop for a second.” Aster was out of the car and came around the back. “Let me come up with you. We can talk this through. I’m really sorry. I can keep saying that. In fact, I will.”

She took Aster’s hand and kissed the back of it. “I don’t think I can do anymore tonight, okay? Good night, Aster. My request is that you don’t follow me.”

“Brynn,” she said quietly. She loved the sound of her name on Aster’s lips. If only it was enough. “Please?” The word broke her heart. And maybe it wasn’t fair, how hard she was taking this, but she couldn’t change who she was and what she needed. Taking this leap was wildly out of character for her and now seemed like a huge mistake.

“I’m so sorry,” Brynn called back, but she made sure not to turn around. Because if she saw Aster’s face, those beautiful brown eyes, she just might give in, invite her up, and set herself up for disaster down the road. She simply wasn’t equipped for any of this, and her heart was too important to her these days. She had to protect it at all costs. Even if that meant against Aster.

She walked slowly down the long hallway to her room. The same square footage that had delivered so many wonderful moments that weekend now felt barren and sad. She climbed into bed with her clothes on and asked herself how she’d ended up here. Part of it was her fault. Part of it was Aster’s. She tried to be angry, but it died in her throat.

Sleep didn’t come that night. Instead, her mind played cruel tricks, showing her all the mistakes she’d made, most notably, letting herself leap into something with both feet, heart wide open for the breaking.

There were things in life that a person longed for, craved, and actively wanted for themselves. None of that changed what they were capable of. After believing with all her might that Tiffany was the person she’d spend the rest of her days with, her life had been upended, and it had takenyearsfor her heart to recover. She couldn’t go down a similar road again, and this whole thing with Aster felt like a giant redflag waving right in front of her face. She wanted Aster. She wanted a them. But maybe her head should win out this time.

By the time the sky showed signs of light, Brynn had solemnly packed her things.

She didn’t know where this path would have led, but it was best she get off it now.

“Where are you going?” The voice was tired. Weak.

Brynn raised her eyes as she wheeled her luggage through the lobby. Aster stood from a bench along the wall, wearing the same clothes she’d last seen her in. Brynn’s shoulders sagged and she exhaled. “There you are. I was going to call you before I left.”

Aster eyed the bag. She pointed to it half-heartedly. “From the airport.”

“Yes.” She let her head fall to the side. “Were you here all night?” Aster nodded. “Oh, Aster, no.”

“It’s okay.” She glanced at the luggage. “Why are you leaving?”

“I have to do what feels right. For both of us. I’m not sure we’re the best match.” She rushed to explain. “It doesn’t take anything away from either of us. I know that you’re a good person, Aster. And I still think the world of you.”

“So that’s it? It’s over?”

“I think I need to sort through everything until I find myself again. I don’t even trust my reflection in the mirror right now, and that’s on me.”

Aster nodded, accepting. Too accepting actually, and that tugged at Brynn’s heart. “Can I say one thing before you go?”

“Yeah. Please do.”

“I will never hurt you the way Tiffany did, and I will swear off any and all secrets if you decide to give me a second chance at some point.”

“I appreciate that.” There was a key difference between what happened with Tiffany and this weekend. Aster seemed truly sorry and wanted to make it right immediately. She’d screwed up and was owning it. That mattered. But was it enough? Brynn was exhausted and needed her own bed and her dog and her life. The rest would figure itself out. “For now, I better go.”

“Will you write?” Aster asked.

She couldn’t imagine losing that part of her relationship withAster, but at the same time, maybe she’d let it go too far. After all, she’d wound up here. “Yes. At some point I will.”

The look of defeat on Aster’s face was hard to process. Guilt struck. What was wrong with her? Why was she still broken? Suddenly all Brynn wanted to do was get the hell out of there. She couldn’t make it through some dramatic good-bye in a hotel lobby on no sleep and a wounded heart. “Take care of yourself, Aster, okay?” With that, she hurried outside to meet her waiting Uber. It would take her back to the safe haven she’d carved out for herself on Baker Street in Homer’s Bluff, Kansas, where scary things rarely happened.

Part Four

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