Page 127 of Gone With the Wine

“Bee.” Rose reaches over and grabs my hand. “Youarepart of the family.”

“I know, but…sometimes…I don’t feel like it.”

“It’s you who always pulls away. Puts up walls. You’re the one who left.”

Ana and Millie said the same thing.

I want to deny it and argue with Rosa, but hearing it from her and from my friends stirs up so many emotions. I feel defeated. But also a recognition of truth. And a bitter taste in my mouth that’s remorse.

“I left…” I choke up and fight back the tears. “I left because…I was afraid.”

Rosa squeezes my hand. “Of what?”

“After losing Papa and then Mama…always feeling like the middle kid who didn’t matter because you were smart and perfect and Allegra was…challenging, but so much fun…I was so afraid I’d never truly be recognized. Or loved. So I left.”

“I’m sorry.” Rosa’s voice thickens. “I didn’t know you felt that way. You’re a brilliant winemaker, Bee. So talented. We all know it. You’re also a good person. You work so hard. Maybe I haven’t said it, but I appreciate so, so much everything you’ve done for Caparelli. Coming home to help, and you’ve busted your butt working here. And helping Jansen on top of that. I know you weren’t thrilled to be here at first, but lately you seemed really happy. And I thought maybe you’ve found your place. Where you really belong. With us. And I thought maybe you’d stay.”

Jansen wants me to stay. Rosa wants me to stay. Ana and Millie want me to stay. Why am I leaving? So I can prove something to these people? To myself? Or…because I’m still afraid? “Oh God.”

“The other night when we had the cousins over for dinner—you had to see that they consider you family.”

I nod slowly.

“We share blood. A history. A legacy. They respect you. It was clear. And…you were the one who instigated that dinner. Bringing us all together. There’s something about you that makes everyone feel good. Feel valued. You need to valueyourself.”

My throat thickens and two plump tears threaten my mascara. I nod.

“And what about Jansen?” she asks quietly. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with him. When I see you together, youbothlook happy. The way he looks at you… I’m surprised he doesn’t want you to stay, too.”

“He does,” I whisper.

“Ohhhh. And you’re still going to leave?”

“I’m scared, Rosa.”

After a short pause, she says, “Are you in love with him?”

Without looking up at her, I nod miserably. “But he doesn’t love me.”

Her eyebrows twitch toward each other. “He said that?”

“I asked him why he wanted me to stay. He didn’t have an answer.”

“Oh. Damn.”

“Yeah.”

She sighs. “Love is scary. Giving someone that much power to hurt you…it’s terrifying. It takes a lot of trust.”

Is she talking about me? Or…about Jansen? Is he afraid to trust me? Or is it because of what happened with his marriage…

“Even when you’renotconvinced everyone you care about will leave you,” Rosa continues. “It wasn’t easy for me to trust Jake again. I was scared, too.”

“I told Jansen I love him and he couldn’t say the same. I can’t stay here now.”

“You told him how you feel. You have to be brave to do that,” she says. “And you are one of the bravest people I know.”

I smile through the tears blurring my vision. “Thank you.”

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