Page 126 of Gone With the Wine

Which is actually kind of shitty of me. I own part of this winery. I’m going to leave Rosa here all on her own. Again. Who knows what’s happening with Allegra. I feel my shoulders drawing up, tightening, and a twisting feeling in my stomach.

The panic that’s been brewing inside me climbs, a tight, breathless squeeze.

“I don’t know what to say,” Rosa says quietly.

Jake comes and stands behind her with his hands on her shoulders. The tender, reassuring gesture makes me want to cry.

She looks up at him over her shoulder. He gives her a small nod. She looks back at me. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Leaving.”

I swallow. “Yeah.”

“Why? Why are you leaving? We want you here. Weneedyou here. We love you and we miss you when you’re not here.”

I give a soft snort. “I’m pretty sure no one missed me.” Well. Ana and Millie said they missed me.

“Of course we missed you!” Her mouth drops open wide enough to fit a wine barrel.

With a quiet murmur about leaving us to talk, Jake disappears.

“Okay. Why are you leaving?” Rosa asks in a softer tone.

I sigh and sit down at the table. “I want to be somewhere I’m respected. Where I’m good enough. Where I’m not just pushed aside and treated like I don’t matter.”

Rosa moves her head slowly side to side, staring at me. “That’s ridiculous. You’re respected here.”

That ache in my throat intensifies. I don’t want to break down in tears while I’m trying to be an adult. I take a moment to swallow and get my voice under control. “I know you love me. We’re sisters. I love you, too. But you’ve disagreed with me about things I want to do here. I feel like you don’t trust me to make good wines.”

Rosa presses her fingers to her mouth, eyes wide. “That’s not true. Of course I trust you! That’s why I want you to stay!”

“So we can argue over what wines to make and how much it’ll cost and how long it’ll take and?—”

“Yes!”

Her nearly-shouted agreement startles me into silence.

“Yes! Of course we’ll disagree on those things. And likely lots of other things. There are all kinds of decisions we have to make if we’re going to run this place. We won’t always agree. I know I’m focused on the bottom line. The business. You’re focused on making beautiful wines. We just have to talk about things, work through them. Sometimes we’ll have to compromise. But I’ll always,alwaysrespect your knowledge and your talent.”

Compromise.

My mind darts back to that conversation with Vitto here in the kitchen.

Good winemakers are really bad at compromising.

My heart squeezes. The stinging in my nose keeps me from speaking again. And I’m not sure what to say anyway.

“Why would you leave?” she asks again, more gently this time. “What is it you really want?”

“I just told you!”

“I know, I’m just trying to get underneath that.”

“I want to be part of this family!”

Silence plunges over us, thick and heavy. I drop my head forward.

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