Page 72 of Kings & Carnage

Down with tyrants.

Chapter34

Willa

Aweek after the announcement of game four at the quarry, I woke up to the telltale cramping of my stomach.

Normally I would have cursed the powers that be for the inherent unfairness of getting my period. This time I was actually relieved. The Kings and I had been playing fast and loose with birth control, not just since Roberto's assassination, attempt when it might have been an understandable oversight, but before that on the island.

We used it sometimes, but on other occasions we were too worked up to bother.

My brain cursed me for being irresponsible but another part of me, a part I didn't want to admit existed, wondered if I was intentionally playing with fire.

If the Kings were intentionally playing with fire too.

If I got pregnant, it wouldn't make sense to leave.

But I wanted to leave.

Didn’t I?

Laying in bed, my stomach cramping, I tried to conjure the version of myself that had arrived at Aventine determined to find out what had happened to Emma and GTFO ASAP.

But that version of myself felt like a stranger. She was so naïve, not just about the evil lurking in her own family, but about her own desires — and not just her sexual desires either, although I was more than willing to admit I'd had no idea how much I would enjoy being fucked senseless by the Kings.

Back then, I’d thought my biggest desire was to find out what had happened to Emma and move on, maybe pick up my travels again.

Now leaving was the last thing I wanted to do. I couldn't imagine going a day without some smart-ass remark from Neo accompanied by his smoldering gaze, Oscar's hands on my face as he looked into my eyes, Rock's smile that lit up my world.

Was I rolling the dice on birth control to give myself an excuse to stay?

Did they even want me to stay?

I remembered the first time I'd fucked Neo after the cliff jump, the way he'd asked me if I wanted him to get a condom, the look in his eyes when he'd promised to always take care of me.

Except I wasn't one of those girls who'd been imagining a fancy wedding since I was five years old, a knight in shining armor to protect and provide while I baked cookies with a gaggle of kids. I'd never needed anyone to take care of me.

So why did the thought of staying with the Kings, who would insist on taking care of me in all kinds of ways, suddenly seem appealing?

I sighed into my empty bedroom. It was all way too heavy for first thing in the morning and definitely way too heavy for the first day of my period, which always sucked the most.

I went to the bathroom to take care of business and crawled back into bed. I just wanted to go back to sleep.

I texted the Kings in a group chat to let them know I was going to sleep in, then dozed off like it was midnight instead of first thing in the morning.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing with a video call from the nightstand. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep but it was rare for someone to call instead of text so I picked up my phone and looked at the display.

Mara.

Ugh. It wasn't that I didn't l want to talk to Mara. She was still my best friend and I knew from our texts that she was still struggling at Columbia.

But talking to her had become a kind of tap dance. I hadn't told her about Roberto trying to kill us when we’d left the island, and that meant I couldn't tell her about the time we’d spent at Daisy's house.

And if I couldn't tell her about any of those things, I couldn't tell her about game number four either.

I didn't want to worry her and there was no way she wouldn't be worried if I told her the truth because she wasn't a fucking idiot. She was part of the Alinari crime family through her parents, and she’d understand the danger we were in, even more now that we were on the hunt for the men from the other houses that were working with Roberto.

Still, she didn't call enough for me to justify not picking up the phone. That would worry her too, and right now, my biggest goal after keeping her from getting involved in my mess was to keep her from worrying.

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