Page 51 of Rebel

“I don’t know what I am,” I admitted. “Sometimes I hate you more than I’ve ever hated anyone or anything in this world. And other times, I just wish you were here. That you’d let your guard down and let me in. Sometimes I don’t ever want to see you again, and sometimes I only want to be yours… always.”

We stared at one another for a long time. I started to feel embarrassed, like maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

Rebel reached to take my hand, pressing it between both of his. “Nobody has ever gotten to me the way you do. You make me see myself for the asshole that I am. You make me want to be better. Not for myself or for the world, but for you.”

The sincerity in his voice and the warmth in his eyes made me believe every word. Maybe it was the drug he’d taken. I hoped that he spoke the truth.

“Any other questions?” he asked. “Better get them all in while you still have time.”

I nodded, shifting closer on the bed. “Just one more. Why are you like this, Rebel? Why are you so harsh and nasty?”

A shadow passed through his eyes. His gaze dropped to our joined hands. He took so long answering that I thought maybe he wouldn’t.

“I wish I knew. I’ve never been the loving, affectionate type. Being vulnerable feels like being weak. I learned a long time ago not to show weakness. This world will eat you up as soon as you let your guard down. Maybe it was something stupid, like my childhood best friend suddenly moving overseas. It might’ve been finding out that my grandfather had been cheating on my grandmother their entire marriage. Or maybe I was just born fucked up.”

I took a moment to ponder his response. Like many of us, Rebel had been hurt in his past. He’d seen the ugly side of life and humanity. Instead of learning to cope or understanding that not everyone was a monster and life wasn’t really out to get you, he’d closed himself off. It was kind of sad really, although it didn’t excuse any of his shitty behavior.

“I understand that you’ve been hurt. It makes sense that your reaction would be to build walls so that nothing can hurt you again. But when you build walls, Rebel, it keeps all of the good out as well as the bad, and that’s no way to live.”

Not knowing what else to do, I threw my arms around him, hugging him tight. He stiffened in my embrace for a moment before relaxing into the hug and sliding his arms around me in return. There was no taking back any of the terrible things he’d said and done. However, I was glad to understand him a little better.

We all had pain. We all built walls to protect ourselves to some degree. Unfortunately, we couldn’t live that way. Not if we wanted to have a genuine, fulfilling life.

After several minutes passed, Rebel kissed my forehead and said, “We should probably get going. You need to come with me. We’re going to track down one of River’s boys and plug him full of this drug until he tells us everything he knows.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

REBEL

Since I was much too drowsy and disoriented to drive, Storm drove us to meet up with Casper and Stray. This wasn’t the kind of thing we should do without backup.

I knew for a fact that Noah Callahan had a part-time job at a local bar. A little digging and a few phone calls and I’d found out that he was working tonight. He probably wouldn’t be off for a few more hours when the bar shut down for the night. That didn’t matter. I would drag him out of the building if I had to.

We picked up Stray and Casper, who were on their best behavior in front of Storm. I wasn’t sure who they were trying to fool. She knew all about us. Besides, we were on our way to do something incredibly illegal.

“So what’s the plan here?” Stray asked. “Are we supposed to walk in there and drag him out in front of everybody? I think we need to be a little more inconspicuous than that.”

“I can’t say it’s not tempting.” I took a large drink from the huge takeout coffee I tightly gripped in one hand. “One of us will have to go in and lure him out. If that doesn’t work, we’ll have to ambush him in the restroom or something. Whatever it takes to get him outside.”

“Maybe I should go in,” Storm said. “He might come outside with me if I tell him I need to talk to him about River. He must know that River had his eye on me.”

My initial reaction was to shut down that idea right away. “No deal. I’m not bringing you into this more than I have to. We’ll find another way.”

Stray piped up from the back seat. “It’s not the worst idea. Noah will have no reason to suspect her of anything.”

“Of course he will. He knows that she’s with me. Why would he trust her?” I didn’t like that I was being outnumbered here. I glanced back at Casper who offered me a shrug.

“I’ll tell him that something happened with you and I need to speak to River right away. I’ll ask him to take me to River and tell him it’s an emergency. He will believe me.” Storm was so damn insistent. She seemed to have made up her mind.

I rubbed a hand across my eyes, blinking them several times in an effort to stay awake. Drugs are bad. Once I got my hands on Noah, I would feel a lot better. Nothing like a good adrenaline rush to wake you up.

“Fine. You can go inside. However, you will not allow him to get you alone anywhere. If he tries to call River, get the hell out of there. We’re not ready for him yet.” As we pulled into the parking lot of the bar, I continued to spew rules and regulations that Storm waved away dismissively.

“I can handle this. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” A playful grin lit up her pretty face. I was happy to see it. I didn’t think she’d smiled since getting the news about her brother, which was totally understandable.

Stray leaned forward in his seat, flicking the back of my ear. “Is someone wearing panties? Damn, you are whipped.”

“Fuck all the way off, douchebag. I’m not literally wearing panties, and if I were, it still wouldn’t come close to the weird shit you’ve done.” When Storm leaned in to kiss me, I barely resisted the urge to hold on longer. I really didn’t want her going in there without me.

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