Page 113 of Deeper

I couldn’t see Zander hiring a choreographer and trying to dance. It simply wasn’t him. Just like his identity in the quintet.

“What made you sign up for So What anyway?”

Zander appeared thoughtful, a beam of nostalgia in his eyes. “For as long as I can remember, my mum always said I could sing, Naz too, but I just thought they were being nice. Nazanin was online one day and saw this music exec, Liam Lyons, hosting auditions and one was near us. I thought she was taking the piss, but my mum backed her up, and I still wasn’t interested.I mean, I was sixteen, who cares about that stuff?

“Then my dad just gave me this look, like he was challenging me, and his little doubt made me give in. The day of the audition we had to get up early, and when we got there, I saw this massive long line and I was ready to just walk away, but there was my dad, silently telling me I probably couldn’t do it anyway. I waited all day in line and when it was my turn to go inside to the audition, I was nervous, but I just figured what the hell, and I went for it. I sang ‘Love You Down’ by Ready for the World.”

“Hey!” That song was my jam and I couldn’t believe he knew it.

Zander grinned, chuckling at the little sway I did at the mention of the song. “Yeah, I loved that song, and it was the first one that popped into my head when I got in front of Liam and his team. It was weird, as I was singing, they all got this look on their faces; they froze and just all collectively, like, zoned out and focused on me. There was a girl who had her hand on her chest and her mouth was open. That was the moment I knew that my mum and my sister weren’t just filling my head up; that was the moment I knew I could really sing.

“A few months later we got the call about going to London to meet with their other finalists. My parents drove me all the way there and that’s when we met up with the other boys and their parents.”

“Who was the first person you met?” Everything he was saying was probably trivial, but being such a non-fan for so long, everything was new to me. No matter how much time had passed.

Zander sighed, recalling that moment from his youth. “Baby.”

“Teddy?”

His mood seemed to shift. “Yeah. I was late, and on the way to the meeting, I ran into Teddy and his dad outside in the hall, and his dad was trying to convince him to go on in.”

“Teddy didn’t want to go?”

Zander shook his head. “Nah, he was this scrawny little kid, and he was so frightened. I was scared too, and I don’t know why, but something told me to give it a go at trying to get him to meet with us. I just told him that there’s a reason they called him back, a reason we were all there.

“He had tears in his eyes and he was shaking, but he looked at me and he went, ‘There’s three other guys in there. They’re trying to make us a boy band. The world’s going to hate us.’ Did I listen to boy bands, no, but it was an opportunity to sing, to do something, and I wanted to see what would happen. I don’t know, I just held my hand out, and I said, ‘People talk shit all the time, so what.’ And he took my hand and we went inside and met Oliver, Jac, and Vernon, and we became a group.”

I was amazed by his story. It was Zander who had given So What their name. It was Zander who had pushed Teddy to take that step into going for it. “That’s incredible, Zander. I had no idea. I mean, if you didn’t go to the audition, didn’t end up a singer, or famous, what would you be doing?”

Zander rested into me, taking no time to think over his answer. “I’d probably be drivin’ trucks with my dad. I wasn’t the best in school and didn’t really have any goals at the time.”

Chance.

If he hadn’t taken the chance to go and audition for Liam Lyons, he wouldn’t have been exposed to the life-changing opportunity of joining a pop group.

Just like ifIhadn’t taken the chance to go down that alley to give him a piece of my mind, we would’ve never met.

“Sounds like you made the right choice in going out for it,” I said.

“It was quite a ride,” Zander went on, sounding distant now. “One thing I hated most about being in So What was the image they tried to put on me: ‘Oh, he’s the bad boy, the mysterious one.’ I used to wonder if I was the ‘bad’ one because I’m Brown. I smoked at the time, but some of the others would drink, like the only one who was ‘innocent’ was Oliver.Now, I can see the mystery angle because I don’t talk or like to interview much, but then, it annoyed me. I was the only Brown one in the group, singled out for this idea they had of me. My biggest advice for anyone starting out would be don’t let them paint who you are, especially beforeyouknow who you are.”

I brought my arms around him to comfort him as I placed a kiss on his forehead. “Being in So What made you, built you up, taught you a lesson, and it’s something you’ll always have, despite all the bullshit.”

Zander massaged my arm as the tension fell from his body. “Thank you.”

There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, and having him there in my arms not wanting to be any place else, I knew I had all the time in the world. For the moment, I let the past go and focused on him, on Zander, on falling even deeper in love with him.

23

DUSK TILL DAWN

Iwas the talk of the shop Tuesday as Jaliyah filled in our coworkers on how gorgeous Zander was. Holliston, Chekina, and Erin were hanging onto Jaliyah’s every word as I stifled my laughs.

“He fine as hell with an accent and everything,” Jaliyah was saying.

Chekina and Erin looked at me with new eyes then. I liked that Holliston was quiet about Zander’s celebrity status and wealth. It was better for everyone to just see Zander.

When my workday came to a close, I went home and changed my clothes before driving to Zander’s estate. As much as I wanted to give him alone time with his sister after she flew in to see him, he was making dinner and wanted me there. So, when I parked my car at the same time as Paul, I took a deep breath and mentally prepped myself to face Nazanin.

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