Page 133 of Deeper

“Maybe we should have a girls’ night out, I mean, if you want,” Holliston suggested Tuesday while we were styling mannequins on the sales floor during the shop’s downtime.

She was trying to cheer me up, and I appreciated her effort. Three days without seeing and speaking to Zander had me down. I wanted to just get over it, but love was tricky that way. I couldn’t even unfollow him online. And my dreams, like my thoughts, were invaded by him. Every time we were in bed together, every time he cooked for me, the times I cooked for him, the nights shared in his arms or holding him.

My hands felt lifeless and lonely without his to hold. My lips felt dry and cracked without his to kiss. My time felt wasted without him to share it with.

“I don’t know, Holly, I’ve got a depression nap scheduled for when I get off,” I said.

Holliston’s face deadpanned, her blue eyes narrowing. “Really?”

“I need about three to five business days to recuperate and get over this.”

Holliston shook her head and pulled her cell phone from her back pocket. She was still sporting her Teddy Sykes case on it. “If you don’t want to go, it’s your loss. I hear that new Chris Evans movie is so good. Reviews are saying it’s the best romance of the year.”

Only Holliston. She was such a hopeless romantic. I thought it made her naïve and cute. In the long run, though, any guy would be lucky to have her. She had a heart and soul made to love, and I just hoped the right guy won her over in the end.

“Not my vibe,” I told her. I wasn’t big on romance movies; my taste was more drama, dark, or thriller. In my reading, I was the exact opposite: I loved a good love story in written form. But now wasn’t the time for any of that. Too triggering.

Holliston looked up from her phone and I wasn’t sure she even heard me. “Whoa.”

“What?” I prompted.

“Zander.”

Her response caused me to gather my own phone and sure enough, my notifications were going crazy. A glimpse through Twitter found why, Zander had finally broken his silence.

His last tweet was a link to a YouTube video where he’d done a cover of Rihanna’s “Kiss It Better.” Even more, there was another link to his website where he’d uploaded a new song called “Pride & Failure.” The cover art was a gritty black and white photo of him smoking in the studio. So moody and artistic. Only Zander.

What really snatched my breath right from my lungs, was in the photo he was wearing a simple T-shirt to the untrained eye, but I could recognize that Yin and Yang tee for as long as I lived. My heart leaped to my throat, threatening to end me. He was wearing my shirt.

I pressed play on the song and immediately was lost in its tone and lyrics.

Your pride and my failure, consumes all of me

It’s up and it’s down, and it’s hard to breathe

It’s not right, it’s not fair, I don’t want you to leave

I will stay, I will fight, I’ll give all of me

Tell me what are you running for

Is there anything I can do more

Tell me is this really the end

Can’t we go on and pretend

I’m gonna hold, I’m gonna hold on

I’m gonna hold, I’m gonna hold on

Remember it just like yesterday

Right before you went away

We were going on

Going strong

---