Page 154 of Redeemed

“It didn’t scare me,” I snap.

“Luc,” Xander says gently, and I see every horrifying moment of my childhood reflected in his eyes. “Yes, it did.”

“No, just—” I run a hand through my hair. “Just shut up.”

“What are you talking about?” Haven asks Xander.

“He isn’t here,” Xander tells me. “He isn’t here, and you don’t need to be the one to protect her like that.”

“I’m not…”

But Xander is right. Seeing Haven so broken up yesterday had me reverting to how desperately I tried to protect Mom and Aurora from Dad. My feelings toward Haven might be a tangled mess of hatred and care and lust, but no matter what, I can’t see her get hurt like that again.

“You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to,” Xander says. “No one is trying to pressure you.”

“I’m not worried about myself! You saw what a mess she was.”

“But I’ll have the power to stop him this time,” Haven cuts in. “To stop all of you. The worst part about Colton dragging me into the basement was that I didn’t have any power. It’ll be different this time.”

“Damn right it will be,” I growl. This is obviously happening with or without me, and I need to make sure Haven is safe. I want to hurt her, but not like this. Never like this.

“So you’re in?” Xander asks.

“I’m not trusting Colton with her until he’s regained my trust.”

“Fair enough.” Xander squeezes my thigh. “Thank you.”

“Whatever. I need some air.”

It doesn’t feel like I can take a full breath until I’m outside. Everything feels so wrong. For once, I wish we could’ve forgiven Haven back in freshman year. I wish we’d never hurt her. I wish we’d never stoppedprotectingher. Then we wouldn’t be in this god-awful decision.

But that’s not the reality we live in, and even though I know I can’t escape it, I start running anyway, hoping maybe I can at least forget for a few minutes.

Lucas

Overthenextweek,we fall into a routine. On the days I have early practice, Xander heads out with me, and Haven and Colton have breakfast by themselves. The rest of the mornings, we’re all together. Haven has accepted her place next to Colton, and she barely puts up a fuss at having to eat from a bowl—or out of his hand.

I don’t let Colton and Xander touch Haven. Immediately after agreeing to Haven’s new terms, I set that rule. One week, no expectations, just schoolwork and settling in.

Haven was disappointed at first, but I think she’s appreciated the break. I’ve watched her relax a little more each day that she’s known she can justbe.It makes me want to write in a day or two a week where the free use dynamic is off so she has that on the regular.

Once Haven’s break is over, we have one last meeting at my request to make sure we’re all on the same page. Haven sets a few boundaries—most of them having to do with not hitting her in the face or things like that—and then we’re ready.

Xander and I get home from practice around four. Once it gets colder out, I’m always reminded how nice it is that Pemberton has indoor facilities for the football team, probably because of the amount of snow we get around here. I know Xander would sit outside in the cold to keep his promise to me, but I’m relieved he doesn’t have to.

Haven is curled up on one of the couches in the loft with Star, which means she must be done with her classes and homework for the day. Colton is in his usual armchair with his laptop. The frown on his face tells me he’s working on Glass Rooks shit.

Hopefully, he’s looking through some emails I sent him when I managed to hack into Mark’s inbox a few weeks ago. We have a lot of circumstantial evidence that Mark is fucking the Rooks over, but not hard proof. Hopefully the emails will help with that.

I showered in the school’s facilities, so I sit on the couch next to Haven, and Xander sits so close our knees bump. My arm is around him a split second later, and I catch his usual smoke and leather scent when he rests his head on my shoulder.

We all know what today is, and based off the nervous energy radiating from Haven, it’s the only thing on her mind.

“Break’s over,” Xander says.

Colton shuts his laptop. “It is.”

“How are you feeling, little fawn?”

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